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Nowadays people usually retire at the age of 60 or 65, but some want to keep working as long as they can. Is this a positive or a negative development? Give you own opinion and relevant examples. v.2

Nowadays people usually retire at the age of 60 or 65, but some want to keep working as long as they can. Is this a positive or a negative development? Give you own opinion and relevant examples. v. 2
Working sector has undergone gigantic changes over few decades. Presently, the fixed retirement age for grey work force is 60 or 65 in most of nations. However, some folks want allowance to work as long as they can in order to satisfy their wants. This essay will cite that this trend is likely to have more positive outcomes than negatives. There are manifold merits of this happening. First and foremost, sometime, old people live miserable lives if they are retired at the age of 65. To justify, in some families, young adults do not have healthy bondings with the old people due to generation gap. As a result, they are less willing to support grey people financially and socially. Therefore, grey- headed generation want freedom to work even after 60' s so that they can earn money to manage their two square meal. Some elders are unwilling to stay free after their retirement. Thus, they have desire to relish their working lives with their peer groups as long as they can. Consequently, they must be permitted to work as long as they are fit. Furthermore, companies may deprive privileges of if grey headed people are retired at fixed age. For example, old generation is veteran of work stages and therefore they work more efficiently, accurately and deliberately to maximize the productivity. Consequently, working segments could not take the advantages of skilful old people for some more years if they get retirement at 60. In addition, some people intend to work for their passion, self-satisfaction and well-being of mankind. Hence, it is unjustifiable to snatch the working right at certain retirement age without their own wishes. On the contrary, it has thorny side too. To commence with, unemployment is spreading its roots among young people in some thriving nations. Thus, young workforce may not avail the opportunity to be employed if older people do not get retirement at fixed age. Furthermore, unlike grey generation, young people who are well educated, technically advanced and energetic could be more beneficial for the outcomes of working sectors. Therefore, it is significant to replace old workforce with young professionals to ensure best results. To recapitulate, undeniably, fixed retirement age has few merits. However, giving elderly people allowance to work is more advantageous from all prospectives.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Working
sector has undergone gigantic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
over few decades.
Presently
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
for
Possible spelling mistake. 'grey' is British English.
grey
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
force is 60 or 65 in
After 'most of', you should use 'the' ("most of the nations") or simply say "most nations".
most of nations
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
folks want allowance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as long as they can in order to satisfy their wants. This essay will cite that this trend is likely to have more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outcomes than negatives.

There are manifold merits of this happening.
First
and foremost, sometime,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
miserable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
if they
are retired
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 65. To justify, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
families,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults do not have healthy
Possible spelling mistake found.
bondings
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
due to generation gap.
As a result
, they are less willing to support
Possible spelling mistake. 'grey' is British English.
grey
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
financially
and
socially
.
Therefore
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'grey' is British English.
grey
- headed generation want freedom to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
even after 60' s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can earn money to manage their two square meal.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
elders are unwilling to stay free after their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
.
Thus
, they have desire to relish their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
with their peer groups as long as they can.
Consequently
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be permitted
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as long as they
are fit
.

Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
may deprive privileges of if
Possible spelling mistake. 'grey' is British English.
grey
headed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are retired
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
generation is veteran of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
stages and
therefore
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more
efficiently
,
accurately
and
deliberately
to maximize the productivity.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
segments could not take the advantages of
Possible spelling mistake. 'skilful' is British English.
skilful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
more years if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
at 60.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
intend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for their passion, self-satisfaction and well-being of mankind.
Hence
, it is unjustifiable to snatch the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
right at certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
without their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
wishes.
On the contrary
, it has thorny side too.

To commence with, unemployment is spreading its roots among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
thriving nations.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
workforce may not avail the opportunity to
be employed
if older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
Furthermore
, unlike
Possible spelling mistake. 'grey' is British English.
grey
generation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well educated
,
technically
advanced and energetic could be more beneficial for the outcomes of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
sectors.
Therefore
, it is significant to replace
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
workforce with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
professionals to ensure best results.

To recapitulate,
undeniably
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
has few merits.
However
, giving elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
allowance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is more advantageous from all
Possible spelling mistake found.
prospectives
.
20Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
54Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays people usually retire at the age of 60 or 65, but some want to keep working as long as they can. Is this a positive or a negative development? Give you own opinion and relevant examples. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
380 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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