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04 11 2017 Nowadays people usually retire at the age of 60 or 65 but some want to keep working as long as they can Is this a positive or a negative development Give you own opinion and relevant examples v.2

04 11 2017 Nowadays people usually retire at the age of 60 or 65 but some want to keep working as long as they can Is this a positive or a negative development Give you own opinion and relevant examples v. 2
Although many people have a possibility to retire at the age of 60-65, they prefer to continue working as long as they can. Below some merits and drawbacks of the trend will be discussed and author’s opinion will be given. On the one hand, this development has some positive facets. Statistically, those senior citizens who continue working have a greater longevity and more satisfied with their lives than those who decided to quit their jobs. Apparently, visiting a workplace and fulfilling some duties allows the elderly to use their brains and socialize with other employees. Furthermore, using a labor of old people is beneficial for companies because usually the discussed individuals are highly educated, have a lot of relevant expertise and practical knowledge about a job performed. In other words, they are highly productive, efficient and reliable workers. Those are several advantageous aftermaths of the trend. On the other hand, the working people who are aged 60 and above create some problems to the society. Firstly, young people who finish college or university struggle to find their first job because workplaces are being occupied by old people. The Economist reports the rate of unemployment among young adults in Italy, Spain and France is about 32 percent. The experts state not enough now jobs are being created and existing ones are held by staff members aged above 60. Secondly, the existing trend has an adverse impact on the speed of integrating innovations and computer technologies in a workplace. In average, old people do not like working with novel equipment that requires them to learn new skills and knacks. In fact, psychologists and physiologists demonstrate that senior citizens are unable to absorb a large volume of new information in a short period of time. Thus, the trend has some dire disadvantages for the society. In my opinion, to preserve merits and avoid creating shortages, old people should work in the social sector as caregivers; in this case, young people will be employed, businesses will prosper and old people will socialize and feel they are needed.
Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a possibility to retire at the age of 60-65, they prefer to continue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
as long as they can. Below
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
merits and drawbacks of the trend will
be discussed
and author’s opinion will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
.

On the one hand, this development has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
facets.
Statistically
, those senior citizens
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
continue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
have a greater longevity and more satisfied with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
than those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
decided to quit their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
Apparently
, visiting a workplace and fulfilling
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
duties
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
the elderly to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their brains and socialize with other employees.
Furthermore
, using a labor of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is beneficial for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
usually
the discussed individuals are
highly
educated, have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
relevant expertise and practical knowledge about a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
performed.
In other words
, they are
highly
productive, efficient and reliable workers. Those are several advantageous aftermaths of the trend.

On the other hand
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are aged
60 and above create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems to the society.
Firstly
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
finish college or university struggle to find their
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
workplaces are
being occupied
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The Economist reports the rate of unemployment among young adults in Italy, Spain and France is about 32 percent. The experts state not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are
being created
and existing ones
are held
by staff members aged above 60.
Secondly
, the existing trend has an adverse impact on the speed of integrating innovations and computer technologies in a workplace. In average,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
with novel equipment that requires them to learn new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and knacks. In fact, psychologists and physiologists demonstrate that senior citizens are unable to absorb a large volume of new information in a short period of time.
Thus
, the trend has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
dire disadvantages for the society.

In my opinion, to preserve merits and avoid creating shortages,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should work in the social sector as caregivers;
in this case
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
be employed
, businesses will prosper and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will socialize and feel they
are needed
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay 04 11 2017 Nowadays people usually retire at the age of 60 or 65 but some want to keep working as long as they can Is this a positive or a negative development Give you own opinion and relevant examples v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
343 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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