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Nowadays people use social media to keep up with the news. Why do they do this? Is it a positive or negative trend? v.1

Nowadays people use social media to keep up with the news. Why do they do this? Is it a positive or negative trend? v. 1
Social platform is commonly used by millions of people around the world. These days individual use application on social platforms like Facebook and Twitter to know the latest news. I believe the individual use this because it is quick and convenient, I also think it is a positive trend to be getting updated of the current situation. To begin with, Increasing number of internet users are opting social platforms for daily news, Firstly, It is very convenient for the people to access the information while commuting or seated at one place on their mobile phone. They need not wait until next day morning to receive traditional paper with the news. Secondly, Receipt of information through the internet on various application is the quickest. People are informed about various news related to the election, films, sports and technology on twitters. For instance, as per a recent study by the researchers, It is found that 90% of world population have cell phone and every 2 minutes they scroll these application to get the up to date information. Furthermore, There are both positive and negative developments on the such news on social platforms. The advantage of news getting instantly from various corner of the world and makes people informed to act immediately if needed. For instance, Outbreak of epidemic in the Wuhan district of China had a catastrophic impact on people life as it was spreading and this type of news informed world to start there precautionary measure to stop it from spreading. Hence all the nations are collectively preparing to fight collectively against this deadly spreading virus. In Conclusion, convenience and speed are the most vital reason for the public being with Social application. However, This is a positive development for the people and the nations in case of emergency to act immediately.
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Social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
platform
is
commonly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by millions of
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people
around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. These days individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
application
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
platforms
like Facebook and Twitter to know the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
. I believe the individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is quick and convenient, I
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend to be getting updated of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
situation.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, Increasing number of internet users are opting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
platforms
for daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
,
Firstly
, It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
convenient for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to access the information while commuting or seated at one place on their mobile phone. They need not wait until
next
day morning to receive traditional paper with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
.
Secondly
, Receipt of information through the internet on various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
application
is the quickest.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are informed
about various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
related to the election, films, sports and technology on twitters.
For instance
, as per a recent study by the researchers, It
is found
that 90% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
population have cell phone and every 2 minutes they scroll these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
application
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the up to date information.

Furthermore
, There are both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
developments on the such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
platforms
. The advantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
getting
instantly
from various corner of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
informed to act immediately if needed.
For instance
, Outbreak of epidemic in the Wuhan district of China had a catastrophic impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
life as it was spreading and this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
informed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
there precautionary measure to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
it from spreading.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
all the nations are
collectively
preparing to fight
collectively
against this deadly spreading virus.

In Conclusion
, convenience and speed are the most vital reason for the public being with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
application
.
However
, This is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and the nations in case of emergency to act immediately.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay Nowadays people use social media to keep up with the news. Why do they do this? Is it a positive or negative trend? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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