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Governments should not have to provide care or financial support for elderly people because it is the responsibility of each person to prepare for retirement and support him or herself. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.1

Governments should not have to provide care or financial support for elderly people because it is the responsibility of each person to prepare for retirement and support him or herself. with this opinion? v. 1
People have different views about whether or not governments should help senior citizens. I completely disagree with the idea that elderly people should receive no support from the state. First, there are different social class which has a varied range of salary number. In this situation, some people may not be capable of affording their retire life on their own while others do not worry about running out of supplies at their retire age. To name a few, a part-time worker or a blue-collar worker may earn the number just meet as much as his daily needs. While they are too old to work, they lose their source of income and be put in financial difficulties. To contrast, a manager or a white-collar may earn much than a blue-collar and be able of saving for his retire consumption. Out of the reason that all workers make a huge contribute to our state economy and tax income, it seems to be more justice and fair when the government be responsible of affording their retire expenditure. Apart from that, elderly people need more financial support for their health care in general. As the health care of older people are always expensive and the old have more chance to get extra health expenditure such as some routine health examine or some chronic treatment. Those medicine treatments tend to be persistent and have expensive charge. From what has been stated aboves, I disagree with the view that elderly people get no financial support from the government while they tired. And I strongly support that government should give some financial support to elderly people specially in the medical expenditure.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
senior citizens. I completely disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should receive no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
from the state.

First
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
which has a varied range of salary number. In this situation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may not be capable of affording their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retire
life on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
while others do not worry about running out of supplies at their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retire
age. To name a few, a part-time worker or a blue-collar worker may earn the number
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
as much as his daily needs. While they are too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
to work, they lose their source of income and
be put
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
difficulties. To contrast, a manager or a white-collar may earn
Use "more" to make a comparison with this adjective.
much
than a blue-collar and be able of saving for his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retire
consumption. Out of the reason that all workers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a huge
The word 'contribute' is not a noun. Did you mean "contribution"?
contribute
to our state economy and tax income, it seems to be more justice and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
be
The usual collocations for "responsible" is "responsible for". Did you mean "responsible for" or "in charge of"?
responsible of
affording their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retire
expenditure.

Apart from that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care
in general
. As the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care of older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are always expensive and the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
have more chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
expenditure such as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
routine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
examine or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
chronic treatment. Those medicine treatments tend to be persistent and have expensive charge.

From what has
been stated
Possible spelling mistake found.
aboves
, I disagree with the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
while they tired. And I
strongly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
specially
in the medical expenditure.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Governments should not have to provide care or financial support for elderly people because it is the responsibility of each person to prepare for retirement and support him or herself. with this opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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