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Nowadays, people of all ages from certain parts of the world spend most time at home rather than going outdoors. Discuss the reasons, is this negative or positive development? v.1

Nowadays, people of all ages from certain parts of the world spend most time at home rather than going outdoors. Discuss the reasons, is this negative or positive development? v. 1
In recent times, children and adults in some countries spend a great amount of time indoors rather than participating in activities outside their homes. The increase in the use of the social and mass media are the significant factors to this warning trend. Firstly, many people spend a lot of time on online social networks which has reduced the need for face-to-face conversations outside their homes in various communities. For instance, with social networking websites such as, Facebook, Whatsapp and Telegram, people can make friends, interact with their associates and share ideals with like minds online. This has reduce the need to go outdoor. Secondly, with telecommunication advancements, adults and children can buy movies online, pay for television subscriptions and watch the television programs without leaving their homes. As a consequence, the popularity of outdoor events is on the decline in some countries. Consequently, more people are developing health problems as a result of this negative development. These health complications are asociated with the sedentary lifestyles of people who spend a lot of their time indoors, such as obesity, diabetes, depression and stroke. For example, in 2018, Health for All, a Nigerian think-tank projected that by 2025, a quarter of cardiovascular complications will be due to lack of active outdoor recreational activities in the country. This health challenges could be reduced if people spend more time outdoors. In conclusion, people of various age groups in some parts of the wold spend a significant amount of their time indoors in order to watch the television and connect to their friends online, despite causing adverse health effects. The governments should setup interesting outdoor programs geared towards encouraging people to spend more time outside their homes.
In recent
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times
, children and adults in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
a great amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
indoors
rather
than participating in activities outside their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
. The increase in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the social and mass media are the significant factors to this warning trend.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
social networks which has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the need for face-to-face conversations outside their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
in various communities.
For instance
, with social networking websites such as, Facebook,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Whatsapp
and Telegram,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends, interact with their associates and share ideals with like minds
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
. This has
Use past participle here: "reduced".
reduce
the need to go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
.
Secondly
, with telecommunication advancements, adults and children can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
movies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, pay for television subscriptions and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
the television programs without leaving their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
. As a consequence, the popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
is on the decline in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries.

Consequently
, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems
as a result
of this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
complications are
Possible spelling mistake found.
asociated
with the sedentary lifestyles of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
indoors, such as obesity, diabetes, depression and stroke.
For example
, in 2018,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
for All, a Nigerian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
-tank projected that by 2025, a quarter of cardiovascular complications will be due to lack of active
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
recreational activities in the country. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
challenges could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
outdoors.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of various age groups in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parts of the wold
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
a significant amount of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
indoors in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
the television and connect to their friends
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, despite causing adverse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
effects. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
The verb 'set up' is spelled as two words. The noun 'setup' is spelled as one.
should setup
interesting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
programs geared towards encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
outside their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays, people of all ages from certain parts of the world spend most time at home rather than going outdoors. Discuss the reasons, is this negative or positive development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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