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Nowadays, many people have to work longer times, and they feel more stressful than before. What are the reasons? What can employers do to make their life easier? v.1

Nowadays, many people have to work longer times, and they feel more stressful than before. What are the reasons? What can employers do to make their life easier? v. 1
In today's world, life has changed significantly. People's working hours are longer than in the past and have become hectic. The main problems to this cause are increasing competition in the market, and the most viable solution is employers should take a lot of steps to cope with workplace stress. The main problem associated with this is the increasing competition in the market due to globalization. This is to say that every business entity either it is big, small, and medium needs to compete with the other multinational companies. So, every employee of the organization has to sit long hours to work to meet the demand of the market. As a result, workers do not have ample time to spend with their family and friends, which leads to mental stress and some health issues. For example, A recent government survey found that 82% of employees feel that they did not spend quality time with their near and dear ones, which leads to frustration. To Tackle this problem, employers should ensure a healthy workplace environment and support their workers morally and financially to sustain high moral. In addition to this, in every company, there should be a proper check on working hours and work overtime only when it is necessary. Even, Employee's should allow taking their mandatory leave to spend time with their families who help them to make their mind stress free. For instance, A local newspaper article published that most private organization make it necessary to take 15 days leave from work which results in 83% More productivity and satisfaction among workers To conclude, Globalisation and competition are the main reasons for stress in the offices, and senior management should take some initiatives to reduce the problems.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world, life has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
significantly
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
's working hours are longer than in the past and have become hectic. The main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
to this cause are increasing competition in the market, and the most viable solution is employers should take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
steps to cope with workplace
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.

The main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
associated with this is the increasing competition in the market due to globalization. This is to say that every business entity either it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
, and medium needs to compete with the other multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, every employee of the organization
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
sit long hours to work to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the demand of the market.
As a result
, workers do not have ample time to spend with their family and friends, which leads to mental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
health issues.
For example
, A recent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
survey found that 82% of employees feel that they did not spend quality time with their near and dear ones, which leads to frustration.

To Tackle this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
, employers should ensure a healthy workplace environment and support their workers
morally
and
financially
to sustain high moral.
In addition
to this, in every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, there should be a proper
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
on working hours and work overtime
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
when it is necessary. Even, Employee's should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
taking their mandatory
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
to spend time with their families who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their mind
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
free.
For instance
, A local newspaper article published that most private organization
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it necessary to take 15 days
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
from work which results in 83% More productivity and satisfaction among
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
workers


To conclude
,
Do not mix variants of the same word ('globalisation' and 'globalization') within a single text.
Globalisation
and competition are the main reasons for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
in the offices, and senior management should take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
initiatives to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Nowadays, many people have to work longer times, and they feel more stressful than before. What are the reasons? What can employers do to make their life easier? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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