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More and more people are stressed today than ever before. What are the causes of this stress? Can you what can be done to address this problem? v.2

More and more people are stressed today than ever before. What are the causes of this stress? Can you what can be done to address this problem? v. 2
Nowadays, the level of stress has been relatively increased than in the past. This trend is mainly due to work pressure and unemployment. However, several measures can be implemented to resolve the issue of stress. Work pressure is one factor responsible for bringing stress in the peoples' lives. Humans are today too much workaholic and they are not satisfied with what they have already. As a result, in the anticipation of their fulfilling day-to-day desire, and they tend to work long hours in the office, which causes stress. To tackle this problem, people should reduce their working hours by limiting to a certain extent, which will allow them to spend quality time with their family and friends. Thus, it led to lower the level of stress. Another major cause of stress is unemployment. Often having passed from the university many students aspire to have a good job in their respective field as few vacancies are available in the market. For example, it can be seen that often most employers publish vacancy in a newspaper and the majority of applicants for the same job. Consequently, only a single adult will have a decent job. In contrast, students are more inclined to commit a crime because of a lack of employment. It is undeniable stress is the outcome of the dearth of job prospects. To resolve this issue, the government should create more jobs for them in the market. Therefore, not only will freshers get job easily in their desired area, but the level of unemployment and crime rate will drastically reduce. In conclusion, stress often stems from the fact that low job opportunities are available in the market and long working hours. Not until employees reduce their hours of work and the government creates more jobs, will the issue be fully resolved.
Nowadays, the level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
has been
relatively
increased than in the past. This trend is
mainly
due to work pressure and unemployment.
However
, several measures can
be implemented
to resolve the issue of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.

Work pressure is one factor responsible for bringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
in the peoples'
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Humans are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
too much
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
workaholic and
they are not satisfied with what they have already.
As a result
, in the anticipation of their fulfilling day-to-day desire, and they tend to work long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
in the office, which causes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
. To tackle this problem,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
by limiting to a certain extent, which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to spend quality time with their family and friends.
Thus
, it led to lower the level of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.

Another major cause of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
is unemployment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Often
having passed from the university
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students aspire to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in their respective field as few vacancies are available in the market.
For example
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
most employers publish vacancy in a newspaper and the majority of applicants for the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
Consequently
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a single adult will have a decent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
In contrast
, students are more inclined to commit a crime
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of a lack of employment. It is undeniable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
is the outcome of the dearth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
prospects. To resolve this issue, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should create more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
for them in the market.
Therefore
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
will freshers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
easily
in their desired area,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the level of unemployment and crime rate will
drastically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
stems from the fact that low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities are available in the market and long working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
. Not until employees
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of work and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
creates more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, will the issue be
fully
resolved.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay More and more people are stressed today than ever before. What are the causes of this stress? Can you what can be done to address this problem? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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