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nowadays people live in the society where consumer goods are cheaper to buy. do you think its advantage of outweigh disadvantage? v.4

nowadays people live in the society where consumer goods are cheaper to buy. do you think its advantage of outweigh disadvantage? v. 4
At present, consumers are the essential part of any purchase. People are live in this environment where consumer goods are inexpensive and affordable to anyone. In this essay I will examine the more benefits rather than drawbacks of these argument and provide my overall opinion. The primary advantage of this argument is that people have plenty of choices in every product. As a result prices of the product will decrease because of the cut and throat competitions. For instance, in market there are plenty of smartphones which has same features like other expensive cell phone companies such as Apple or Nokia but, the prices are very lowest than this companies. Moreover, basic things become easier to purchase for any human being. This is because of the cost effective consumer goods. For that, it reduce the gap between poor and rich to some extent because anyone can afford the things. A good illustration of these is that motor vehicle which is very difficult to buy for normal people but due to cheap consumer goods even normal people can purchase motor vehicle. However, the disadvantage of cheapest consumer good is wastage of materials which directly affect environment. If competition increase, then production and packing is also grow. As a result wastage of material is increased and that affect our environment and create pollution. The best example of this is Delhi city which facing this problem and also life expectancy of people is less than any other city. To conclude, I believe that cheap consumer goods have more plus points than negative effect. As it create more opportunity to to poor people and decrease the difference between the rich and the poor. Also it has wastage of material while huge amount of product is produced.
At present,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumers
are the essential part of any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in this environment where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
are inexpensive and affordable to anyone. In this essay I will examine the more benefits
rather
than drawbacks of
Did you mean "this argument" or "these arguments"?
these argument
and provide my
overall
opinion.

The primary advantage of this argument is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of choices in every product.
As a result
prices of the product will decrease
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
and throat competitions.
For instance
, in market there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of smartphones which has same features like other expensive cell phone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
such as Apple or Nokia
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, the prices are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
lowest than
Did you mean "these"?
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.

Moreover
, basic things become easier to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
for any human being. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the cost effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
. For that, it
Did you mean "reduces"?
reduce
the gap between poor and rich to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
anyone can afford the things. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
illustration of these is that motor vehicle which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
for normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
due to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
even normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
motor vehicle.

However
, the disadvantage of
A determiner is probably missing here: "the cheapest".
cheapest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
is wastage of materials which
directly
affect environment. If competition increase, then production and packing is
also
Consider using a past participle here: "grown".
grow
.
As a result
wastage of material
is increased
and that affect our environment and create pollution. The best example of this is Delhi city which facing this problem and
also
life expectancy of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is less than any other city.

To conclude
, I believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
have more plus points than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect. As it create more opportunity
Possible typo: you repeated a word
to to
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and decrease the difference between the rich and the poor.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
it has wastage of material while huge amount of product
is produced
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay nowadays people live in the society where consumer goods are cheaper to buy. do you think its advantage of outweigh disadvantage? v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
292 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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