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nowadays people live in the society where consumer goods are cheaper to buy. do you think its advantage of outweigh disadvantage? v.2

nowadays people live in the society where consumer goods are cheaper to buy. do you think its advantage of outweigh disadvantage? v. 2
People used to transaction product in the early decade. Then the money appears and change the way of treatment. Cash money makes the transfer faster and easier. In my opinion the huge development in the technology will change the equation again and the created card will be a substitute for the cash. Nowadays the word becomes a small village. For example, one small product may produce in more than one country, and sold overseas, capital will be exchanged through the banks to pay for it in a fast and safe way. There are several benefits of moving to cashless, firstly the papers and coins not only dirty, but also careening a lot of disease on it, which effect on the health of the society. What is more crime will drop dramatically when people become not carrying a lot of cash in their pocket. Printing the papers are very expensive and need advance process to make sure it cannot counterfeit or damage, consequently this budget will be less. Although electronic crime becomes a real threat to the transactions, but by wise security will eliminate the risk. So the awareness of how to use, the created card and how making a strong password should be rising. Another issue faces people is that, they become spend more than they actually have and they have a lot of debit in their account to overcome this issue banks should define limits to the accounts. Finally there should be a strict laws and the roles of the government that handled the process of electronic exchange. In conclusion, cashless society will become a reality in the near futures, and will make word better place for living. Countries how adopted this technology first will guarantee to be in the first line.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to transaction product in the early decade. Then the money appears and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the way of treatment. Cash money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the transfer faster and easier. In my opinion the huge development in the technology will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the equation again and the created card will be a substitute for the cash.

Nowadays the word
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
becomes
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
village.
For example
, one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
product may produce in more than one country, and sold overseas, capital will
be exchanged
through the banks to pay for it in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
and safe way. There are several benefits of moving to cashless,
firstly
the papers and coins not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
dirty,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
careening
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
disease on it, which effect on the health of the society.
What is more
crime will drop
dramatically
when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
not carrying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
cash in their pocket. Printing the papers are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
expensive and need advance process to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure it cannot counterfeit or damage,
consequently
this budget will be less.

Although electronic crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
becomes
a real threat to the transactions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
by wise security will eliminate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the awareness of how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
, the created card and how making a strong password should be rising. Another issue faces
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
that, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
spend more than they actually
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
have and
they have
Possible agreement error. The noun debit seems to be countable; consider using: "a lot of debits".
a lot of debit
in their account to overcome this issue banks should define limits to the accounts.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Finally
there should be a strict laws and the roles of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
that handled the process of electronic exchange.

In conclusion
, cashless society will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a reality in the near futures, and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
word better place for living. Countries how adopted this technology
first
will guarantee to be in the
first
line.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay nowadays people live in the society where consumer goods are cheaper to buy. do you think its advantage of outweigh disadvantage? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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