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An increasing number of people choose to live in big cities. What problems will this bring about? Should the government encourage people to live in small towns? v.1

An increasing number of people choose to live in big cities. What problems will this bring about? Should the government encourage people to live in small towns? v. 1
It is certainly true that nowadays people are shifting to larger cities. There are several reasons and consequences of this moot issue, however, the government can play a vital role so that one can be rehabilitated into the small towns. To begin with, people migrate to big cities to enjoy the facilities available over there and to secure their children’s future. Large cities are the places where various educational institutions are established. Moreover, more job opportunities attract the people towards the cities. Nonetheless, this moving of an enormous number of people creates problems. Firstly, the urban population would go on increasing, because of this, there would be the housing problem. Furthermore, this leads to the creation of underdeveloped slum areas. Secondly, in most of the cases, people in large cities might not obtain the job after several trials which lead to deterioration of their standard of living. The overpopulation is big cities would create more pollutions, would increase the crime rate and traffic congestion would become worse. Next, as the population in cities increases, the number of people staying in towns and villages gradually decrease. Because of this, there might be a situation when food harvesting steps down, this, in turn, produces food scarcity. Owing to all the above reasons it is clear that, the life of people in cities is highly stressful and problematic. On the other hand, the government can change this situation of people in large cities. Firstly, the government should improve the facilities in towns so that people do not think of moving to cities in search of better life. This can be done by developing the transport system which interconnects different towns and cities. This encourages the establishment of companies that generates the employment for youth. Construction of schools and colleges in the towns and countryside will help the children to study well. Moreover, providing employment allowances would also be beneficial. The government should decentralise many industries and offices so that small towns create more job opportunities. A large portion of the national budget should be allocated for the development of rural areas. In conclusion, I believe that it is the government’s responsibility to look after the welfare of its people. Hence, shifting of more people to cities could be checked by providing city-like opportunities and facilities.
It is
certainly
true that nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are shifting to larger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. There are several reasons and consequences of this moot issue,
however
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can play a vital role
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that one can
be rehabilitated
into the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
towns.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
migrate to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
to enjoy the facilities available over there and to secure their children’s future.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are the places where various educational institutions
are established
.
Moreover
, more job opportunities attract the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. Nonetheless, this moving of an enormous number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
creates problems.
Firstly
, the urban population would go on increasing,
because of this
, there would be the housing problem.
Furthermore
, this leads to the creation of underdeveloped slum areas.
Secondly
, in most of the cases,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
might not obtain the job after several trials which lead to deterioration of their standard of living. The overpopulation is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
would create more pollutions, would increase the crime rate and traffic congestion would become worse.
Next
, as the population in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
increases, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
staying in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
towns
and villages
gradually
decrease.
Because of this
, there might be a situation when food harvesting steps down, this, in turn, produces food scarcity. Owing to all the above reasons it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that, the life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
is
highly
stressful and problematic.

On the other hand
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
this situation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the facilities in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
towns
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of moving to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
in search of better life. This can
be done
by developing the transport system which interconnects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
towns
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. This encourages the establishment of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
that generates the employment for youth. Construction of schools and colleges in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
towns
and countryside will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the children to study well.
Moreover
, providing employment allowances would
also
be beneficial. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
Possible spelling mistake. 'decentralise' is British English.
decentralise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
industries and offices
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
towns
create more job opportunities. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
portion of the national budget should
be allocated
for the development of rural areas.

In conclusion
, I believe that it is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government’s
responsibility to look after the welfare of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Hence
, shifting of more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
checked
by providing city-like opportunities and facilities.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay An increasing number of people choose to live in big cities. What problems will this bring about? Should the government encourage people to live in small towns? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
382 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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