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Many people in the community now could buy consumer goods being cheaper. Whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

Many people in the community now could buy consumer goods being cheaper. Whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
Some people believe that important researches should be conducted by the government only. I partially agree with this notion. It is my firm opinion that private companies should be given freedom to carry out some research, but this research should be monitored by the government. On the one hand, I can understand why people believe that research should be conducted by the governments. Firstly, they are in a position to spend huge amount of financial resources because of availability of funds. Latest scientific equipments need to be purchased to carry out research successfully. Private companies sometimes hesitate to spend such amounts. Hence, government should take the initiative. On the other hand, I believe that research should not only be conducted by the governments. Private companies should also be given authority to carry out some research activities. One of the prime reasons for the same is that the scope of research is very wide, and it is possible that governments might miss some of the areas. These ignored areas can be covered by the private companies. These companies should not be authorized to do whatever they want. Therefore, some guidelines must be provided to these authorities to avoid adverse consequences. For instance, if private companies are free to research explore harmful atomic energy resources they can use this to advesely affect the mankind. In conclusion, government should take responsibility to carry out research. However, research carried out by private companies should be properly controlled and monitored by the government to avoid negative results.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
researches
should
be conducted
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
. I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this notion. It is my firm opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
freedom to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
carry
out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
should
be monitored
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

On the one hand, I can understand why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
should
be conducted
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
.
Firstly
, they are in a position to spend huge amount of financial resources
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of availability of funds.
A determiner is probably missing here: "the Latest".
Latest
scientific equipments need to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
carry
out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
successfully
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
hesitate to spend such amounts.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should take the initiative.

On the other hand
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be conducted
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
authority to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
carry
out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
activities. One of the prime reasons for the same is that the scope of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
wide, and it is possible that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
might miss
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
areas. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
areas can
be covered
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should not
be authorized
to do whatever they want.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
guidelines
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be provided
to these authorities to avoid adverse consequences.
For instance
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are free to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
explore harmful atomic energy resources they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this to
Possible spelling mistake found.
advesely
affect the mankind.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should take responsibility to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
carry
out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
carried out by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should be
properly
controlled and monitored by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to avoid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
results.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Many people in the community now could buy consumer goods being cheaper. Whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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