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Many people now live in societies where consumer goods have become cheap. Do advantages outweigh disadvanatges? v.1

Many people now live in societies where consumer goods have become cheap. Do advantages outweigh disadvanatges? v. 1
It is true that many people now live in societies where consumer commodities have become reasonably priced while this may have several drawbacks, I believe that overall the benefits are more significant. There are several disadvantages of affordably priced goods. Firstly, cheap commodities are usually shoddy products. Manufactures may cut corners and resort to cheap materials in order to improve their profits. This can make products fall apart after a short period of time. Hence, a myriad of products can be an utter waste of money of people. Secondly, the rise of the purchaser society is a major cause of exacerbating environmental problems. Systems of factories have to operate full capacity in these products and packaging. This can increase exhaust emissions as well as to contribute dramatically to environmental problems such as global warming and greenhouse effects. Despite the negative effects mentioned above, I contend that the positive consequences of reasonably priced commodities are greater. Primarily, purchasers can buy many more goods than before. This can create jobs for the public and alleviate the rate of unemployment as manufactures produce many distinct goods. when employers are a lucrative income, they can easily cover their bills such as electricity and accommodation. Therefore, they can improve standards of living. In addition, the government can collect enormous taxes. When firms obtain massive profits, they have to pay taxes for the government and the government budget can drastically augment. In conclusion, although cheap goods have several drawbacks, I believe that reasonable commodities are more likely to have harm impacts on life of many people in societies.
It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in societies where consumer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commodities
have become
reasonably
priced while this may have several drawbacks, I believe that
overall
the benefits are more significant.

There are several disadvantages of
affordably
priced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commodities
are
usually
shoddy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. Manufactures may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
corners and resort to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
materials in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their profits. This can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
fall apart after a short period of time.
Hence
, a myriad of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
can be an utter waste of money of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Secondly
, the rise of the purchaser society is a major cause of exacerbating environmental problems. Systems of factories
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
operate full capacity in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and packaging. This can increase exhaust emissions
as well
as to contribute
dramatically
to environmental problems such as global warming and greenhouse effects.

Despite the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects mentioned above, I contend that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
consequences of
reasonably
priced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commodities
are greater.
Primarily
, purchasers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. This can create jobs for the public and alleviate the rate of unemployment as manufactures produce
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
distinct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
when
employers are a lucrative income, they can
easily
cover their bills such as electricity and accommodation.
Therefore
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
standards of living.
In addition
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can collect enormous taxes. When firms obtain massive profits, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay taxes for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
budget can
drastically
augment.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
have several drawbacks, I believe that reasonable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commodities
are more likely to have harm impacts on life of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in societies.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Many people now live in societies where consumer goods have become cheap. Do advantages outweigh disadvanatges? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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