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Nowadays, people have little awareness of the importance of the natural world. What are the reasons and how can people learn more about the natural world? v.1

Nowadays, people have little awareness of the importance of the natural world. What are the reasons and how can people learn more about the natural world? v. 1
It is true that humans seem to be more distant from the natural world. This essay will discuss some reasons why people do not understand its importance, and some ways they can learn more about it. On the one hand, technological advancements have increasingly driven people’s attention away from nature. Mobile phones and other gadgets have been introduced in people’s daily lives and seem to consume most of their freetime. Therefore, when being off-work, people, no longer engage with the natural world in a way that the previous generation did, and just stay indoors and spend their time on technology instead. Moreover, owing to developments in technology and the Internet, work is no longer restricted to the office space, leaving people busy even when returning home or on vacation. Therefore, leisure time has become a variety and people have little chance to appreciate the world around them. On the other hand, park and green spaces should be well invested and promoted, when these natural placed become more attractive and they will more likely to draw people to visit and learn more about them. For example, parents should guide their children towards a lite of more contact with nature, such as take part in going out for a picnic and visit national parks to broaden their horizon about natural creatures. This could be done by arranging outing to a forest or lake rather than staying in resorts with limited contact with the outside world. To conclude, the government should make perks more appealing to the general public, and families should prioritize visits to the natural world over other forms of vacation.
It is true that humans seem to be more distant from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. This essay will discuss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not understand its importance, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways they can learn more about it.

On the one hand, technological advancements have
increasingly
driven
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
attention away from nature. Mobile phones and other gadgets have
been introduced
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and seem to consume most of their
Possible spelling mistake found.
freetime
.
Therefore
, when being off-work,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, no longer engage with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
in a way that the previous generation did, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
stay indoors and spend their time on technology
instead
.
Moreover
, owing to developments in technology and the Internet, work is no longer restricted to the office space, leaving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
busy even when returning home or on vacation.
Therefore
, leisure time has become a variety and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
chance to appreciate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
around them.

On the other hand
, park and green spaces should be well invested and promoted, when these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
placed become more
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
attractive and
they will more likely to draw
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to visit and learn more about them.
For example
, parents should guide their children towards a lite of more contact with nature, such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in going out for a picnic and visit national parks to broaden their horizon about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
creatures. This could
be done
by arranging outing to a forest or lake
rather
than staying in resorts with limited contact with the outside world.

To conclude
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
perks more appealing to the
Consider using "public".
general public
, and families should prioritize visits to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
over other forms of vacation.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays, people have little awareness of the importance of the natural world. What are the reasons and how can people learn more about the natural world? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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