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Some high school required all student to wear school uniform, other high school permit student to decide what to wear to school. Which of these two school policies you think is better? v.1

Some high school required all student to wear school uniform, other high school permit student to decide what to wear to school. Which of these two school policies you think is better? v. 1
Nowadays every single school or even company has their own regulations. Moreover, some high school has a compulsory rule that state all students must wear school uniform. In contrast, other school gives a permission to their students to choose their own outfit that they want to wear at school. I personally believe that high school must make students to wear school uniform. First off, uniform is a symbol of your academy or school, if you wear your uniform it means that your integrity as a student is still keep intact. Moreover, if you wear your school uniform to other places such as; mall, restaurant, or even a supermarket, it means you bring your school pride with you. Therefore, you must behave as good as possible to make your school reputation pure. It seems to me that not every high school uniform is lame. In fact, some of them are very aesthetic, for example; St. Louis high school in America has a uniform that looks like from the ancient Europe, which makes their students more confident to go to school. Furthermore, wearing school uniform automatically make us must obey the school regulations itself. In addition, by strictly make rules that contain about school uniform, and also by making punishment if someone disobey the rules, it can increase the obedience to the rules. There was a research in 2014 conducted by Professor John Hopkins from Stanford University, he said that if we can make children obey the rules since now, he believes that it can bring myriad beneficial things to their life. To conclude, the best school policy is to wear school uniform.
Nowadays every single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
or even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
has their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
regulations.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
has a compulsory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rule
that state all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniform
.
In contrast
, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
gives a permission to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to choose their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
outfit that they want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. I
personally
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
uniform.

First
off,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniform
is a symbol of your academy or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, if you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniform
it means that your integrity as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
is
still
Consider using a past participle here: "kept".
keep
intact.
Moreover
, if you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniform
to other places such as; mall, restaurant, or even a supermarket, it means you bring your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
pride with you.
Therefore
, you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
behave as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
as possible to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
reputation pure. It seems to me that not every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniform
is lame. In fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
aesthetic,
for example
; St. Louis
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
in America has a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniform
that looks like from the ancient Europe, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
more confident to go to school.

Furthermore
, wearing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniform
automatically
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
obey the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
regulations itself.
In addition
, by
strictly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
that contain about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniform
, and
also
by making punishment if someone
The pronoun 'someone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "disobeys", "disobeyed".
disobey
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
, it can increase the obedience to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
. There was
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
in 2014 conducted by Professor John Hopkins from Stanford University, he said that if we can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
children obey the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
since
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, he believes that it can bring myriad beneficial things to their life.

To conclude
, the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
policy is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniform
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
53Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some high school required all student to wear school uniform, other high school permit student to decide what to wear to school. Which of these two school policies you think is better? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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