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Nowadays people get married and have kids in their thirties rather than when they are younger. Do you agree or disagree that this trend will benefit society? v.1

Nowadays people get married and have kids in their thirties rather than when they are younger. that this trend will benefit society? v. 1
Every generation wished they had the perfect environment, thus the birthing of various improvements we have seen over the years. There is a difficulty arriving at what a standard society should be due to the fact different people have different perspectives on this phenomena. Necessary elements that should constituents a proper society and how people can make it work is therefore discussed below. For a society to be seen as suitable to inhabit, such areas must have basic amenities that make life easier, ensures effective and efficient ways of doing work and also promotes international growth and development. For example, major infrastructures must be available in the vicinity. Good roads and reliable transport systems that links raw material, place of manufacture and end users together should be developed. Secondly the safety of its residents must be guaranteed through the use of appropriate security services. The inhabitants must be able to get good and quality education at the least possible cost. Specific health care to different category of people is also paramount, thus the need for potable water and more organically grown foods. Lastly, it is expedient that jobs are created for individuals and job security guaranteed alongside the jobs. Truly an ideal society doesn’t work by itself, it takes the effort and contribution of various bodies, agencies and policies for it to run smoothly. Residents must be willing to pay taxes so that there is a continuous improvement is achieved. Also the role of good leadership cannot be over emphasized, the government is expected to ensure policies that are beneficial to the masses are formulated. As an example increasing the amount taxed on goods imported, when an economy depends largely on goods brought in from overseas, would have a bad effect on the lives of the masses. In conclusion, though an ideal society is one that ensures stress is taken off its citizens, thus giving a chance for growth and development, the input of of individuals to make it suitable for living is needed.
Every generation wished they had the perfect environment,
thus
the birthing of various improvements we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
over the years. There is a difficulty arriving at what a standard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
should be due to the fact
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
perspectives on
Did you mean "these"?
this
phenomena. Necessary elements that should constituents a proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it work is
therefore
discussed below.

For a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as suitable to inhabit, such areas
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have basic amenities that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
life easier, ensures effective and efficient ways of doing work and
also
promotes international growth and development.
For example
, major infrastructures
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be available in the vicinity.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Good
roads and reliable transport systems that links raw material, place of manufacture and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
users together should
be developed
.
Secondly
the safety of its residents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be guaranteed
through the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of appropriate security services. The inhabitants
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
and quality education at the least possible cost. Specific health care to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
category of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
is
also
paramount,
thus
the need for potable water and more
organically
grown foods.
Lastly
, it is expedient that jobs
are created
for individuals and job security guaranteed alongside the jobs.

Truly
an ideal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
doesn’t work by itself, it takes the effort and contribution of various bodies, agencies and policies for it to run
smoothly
. Residents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be willing to pay taxes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that there is a continuous improvement
is achieved
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
leadership cannot be over emphasized, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to ensure policies that are beneficial to the masses
are formulated
. As an example increasing the amount taxed on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
imported, when an economy depends
largely
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
brought in from overseas, would have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effect on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of the masses.

In conclusion
, though an ideal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
is one that ensures
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
is taken
off its citizens,
thus
giving a chance for growth and development, the input
Possible typo: you repeated a word
of of
individuals to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it suitable for living
is needed
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays people get married and have kids in their thirties rather than when they are younger. that this trend will benefit society? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
334 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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