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Nowadays it is common for people to get married and have children in their thirties rather than when they are younger. Do you agree or disagree that this trend will benefit society? v.3

Nowadays it is common for people to get married and have children in their thirties rather than when they are younger. that this trend will benefit society? v. 3
In today's world, the number of young married has decreased drastically in a modern society. I personally believe that young couples should comprise a family with children when they are older than 30 years old. This essay will discuss both views, using arguments and example from BBC news and Queensland University to demonstrate points and prove arguments On the one hand, there is ample evidence in enriching and strengthening a family in the developing and developed nations. This is largely because educational academics, economic status and cultural traditions are constantly changing since the advent of the Internet. Young individuals prioritize certain task such as their employment status, educational achievements and living standards as a result of the vast information and knowledge received from the online world. For example, recent empirical research by Queensland University suggested that 20% of young couples aims to set priorities in their life such as afford a car or house and the last goal is to establish a family and have children. Therefore, it is conclusively clear that young families prefer to delay their married status in order to strengthen their financial status and educational records for the sake of social well-being. On the other hand, although there is a case to be made for delaying the situation of having children and married status, the impact of this trend on the society cannot be overstated. The population growth is an essential requirement for a modern society, countries rely on substantial economic development and without having enough population they cannot guarantee a better living standard for their city-dweller. For example, an article published by BBC News showed China and India support campaigns for young family with children by promoting a job and household in remote areas. Conclusively, it is possible to state beyond doubt that authorities should foster and support a substantial population growth among youngest families. To conclude from the arguments and points given I firmly believe that young people should prioritize their personal goals before getting married and having children. In the future, the importance of building a modern society will have more challenges.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
married has decreased
drastically
in a modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. I
personally
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
couples should comprise a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
when they are older than 30 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. This essay will discuss both views, using arguments and example from BBC news and Queensland University to demonstrate points and prove arguments

On the one hand, there is ample evidence in enriching and strengthening a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
in the developing and developed nations. This is
largely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
educational academics, economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
status
and cultural traditions are
constantly
changing since the advent of the Internet.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
individuals prioritize certain task such as their employment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
status
, educational achievements and living standards
as a result
of the vast information and knowledge received from the online world.
For example
, recent empirical research by Queensland University suggested that 20% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
couples aims to set priorities in their life such as afford a car or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and the last goal is to establish a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Therefore
, it is
conclusively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
prefer to delay their married
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
status
in order to strengthen their financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
status
and educational records for the sake of social well-being.

On the other hand
, although there is a case to
be made
for delaying the situation of having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and married
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
status
, the impact of this trend on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
cannot
be overstated
. The population growth is an essential requirement for a modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, countries rely on substantial economic development and without having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
population they cannot guarantee a better living standard for their city-dweller.
For example
, an article published by BBC News
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
China and India support campaigns for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by promoting a job and household in remote areas.
Conclusively
, it is possible to state beyond doubt that authorities should foster and support a substantial population growth among
A determiner is probably missing here: "the youngest".
youngest
families.

To conclude
from the arguments and points
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
I
firmly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should prioritize their personal goals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
getting married and having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In the future, the importance of building a modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
will have more challenges.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays it is common for people to get married and have children in their thirties rather than when they are younger. that this trend will benefit society? v. 3

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
349 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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