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Demand for gas and oil is increasing and so finding new sources in remote and untouched areas is a necessity Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages v.1

Demand for gas and oil is increasing and so finding new sources in remote and untouched areas is a necessity Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages v. 1
Many companies are deviating from the age-long tradition of having all their staff work right from the four-walls of a physical office. It is a welcome development in this computer age where individuals can actually attend to their tasks without having to rush to work, thereby saving time and leading to better focus and concentration. An employee that works from home will save the time he is meant to spend either at the train station or at the bus park early in the morning. A recent incident in Lagos for instance, where motorcycles and tricycles were banned left many employees stranded at the bus park on an early Monday morning. Some people took to trekking, while some took to taking cargo trucks and even horses to work. There is no doubt that this set of people will arrive the office fagged out and tired. On the other hand, an employee who works from home would have saved himself from stress; he would channel energy into achieving his task promptly and effectively. Moreover, the computer age does not necessarily require one to be caged to a particular space. With softwares such as Sharepoint, Skype for Business and Hip Chat, individuals located in different places can actually communicate effectively at an affordable cost. Sadly, a lot of employees day-in-day-out rush to the office to do on their fancy computers what they can actually do from their homes. Furthermore, in this age where the life expectancy rate is on a continuous and worrying decline decade after decade, working from home can help increase the life expectancy rate by reducing the stress level of individuals. Conclusively, I strongly recommend that organisations embrace the development as it will increase the concentration and focus of their staff, reduce stress, save time and cost, and ultimately increase the productivity of their staffs.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are deviating from the age-long tradition of having all their staff
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
right from the four-walls of a physical office. It is a welcome development in this computer age where individuals can actually attend to their tasks without having to rush to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, thereby saving time and leading to better focus and concentration.

An
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
that works from home will save the time he
is meant
to spend either at the train station or at the bus park early in the morning. A recent incident in Lagos
for instance
, where motorcycles and tricycles
were banned
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
stranded at the bus park on an early Monday morning.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
took to trekking, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
took to taking cargo trucks and even horses to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. There is no doubt that this set of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will arrive the office fagged out and tired.
On the other hand
, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
who works from home would have saved himself from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
; he would channel energy into achieving his task
promptly
and
effectively
.

Moreover
, the computer age does not
necessarily
require one to
be caged
to a particular space. With
Possible spelling mistake found.
softwares
such as Sharepoint, Skype for Business and Hip Chat, individuals located in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
places can actually communicate
effectively
at an affordable cost.
Sadly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
day-in-day-out rush to the office to do on their fancy computers what they can actually do from their homes.

Furthermore
, in this age where the life expectancy rate is on a continuous and worrying decline decade after decade, working from home can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
increase the life expectancy rate by reducing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
level of individuals.

Conclusively
, I
strongly
recommend that
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
embrace the development as it will increase the concentration and focus of their staff,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, save time and cost, and
ultimately
increase the productivity of their staffs.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Demand for gas and oil is increasing and so finding new sources in remote and untouched areas is a necessity Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
305 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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