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TPO-19 - Independent Writing Task Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? In order to be well-informed, a person must get information from many different news resources. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.1

TPO-19 - Independent Writing Task In order to be well-informed, a person must get information from many different news resources. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1
There is no denying that in today's world of advanced technology, childhood of this generation is totally different than a few decades earlier. The following paragraphs will discuss about the drawbacks of these changes. First and foremost, children today are more tech savvy and have little interaction with others. Due to this reason, children would not able to gather the values which their elders used to tell them. For instance, in the old days, listening to stories from the elders was one of the major entertainment of children, but now because of advanced gadgets they do not have time for these things. Therefore, children nowadays are deprived of this knowledge and are sometimes are rude and not helpful to their friends and family, which in the long term will impact negatively on the society. Secondly, as children are more into social media and video games, they pay less attention to the physical games. This lifestyle pushes them towards obesity and many other health issues. So, if their habits are not changed, then society will be greatly impacted due to the less active workforce and national economy can fall. On the top of this, countries might need to make more investment towards health care which ultimately will put more pressure on the taxpayers that may demotivates them to work. In conclusion, technology is a good thing which helps individuals and nations to grow, but giving full access to children will definitely have many negative consequences which include bad behaviour, physical and mental health.
There is no denying that in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world of advanced technology, childhood of this generation is
totally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Did you mean 'different "from"? 'Different than' is often considered colloquial style.
than
a few decades earlier. The following paragraphs will
Did you mean simply "discuss the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about the
drawbacks of these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
.

First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are more
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
tech savvy
and have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
interaction with others. Due to this reason,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would not able to gather the values which their elders
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
them.
For instance
, in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
days, listening to stories from the elders was one of the major entertainment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of advanced gadgets they do not have time for these things.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
nowadays
are deprived
of this knowledge and are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
are rude and not helpful to their friends and family, which in the long term will impact
negatively
on the society.

Secondly
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are more into social media and video games, they pay less attention to the physical games. This lifestyle pushes them towards obesity and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other health issues.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, if their habits are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
, then society will be
greatly
impacted due to the less active workforce and national economy can fall. On the top of this, countries might need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more investment towards health care which
ultimately
will put more pressure on the taxpayers that may demotivates them to work.

In conclusion
, technology is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
individuals and nations to grow,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
giving full access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will definitely have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences which include
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, physical and mental health.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO-19 - Independent Writing Task In order to be well-informed, a person must get information from many different news resources. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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