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Nowadays it is common for people to get married and have children in their thirties rather than when they are younger. Do you agree or disagree that this trend will benefit society? v.1

Nowadays it is common for people to get married and have children in their thirties rather than when they are younger. that this trend will benefit society? v. 1
Either getting married or being parent is a challenged mission; therefore, many individuals delay such steps to the third decade of their life. Personally, I wholeheartedly believe that this is a right course of action and this will aid in enhancing the communities socially and financially. To commence with, it can hardly be denied that delaying the marriage and, consequently, having children paves the way for young people to work harder and participate in prospering the economy. In other words, robust and energetic youth are supposed to be more productive in earlier ages, and if they are single, their time will often be dedicated to making money and developing the economy. Take, for instance, married woman usually tend to work part-time jobs to achieve the work-life balance, whereas she could be involved in a full-time occupation before being a wife or a mother. Hence, I contend that the community may witness more economical prosperity if the marriage age be postponed. Further and even more importantly, though, there is no doubt that the older ones became, the more maturity they get. As a result, a multitude of reckless decisions that are taken by teenagers such as the divorce, which is increasingly pervasive among young couples, even if they have children, due to the lack of the sufficient life experiences. Such sociable issues along with its consequences, including the diverse psychological problems of the young generation as well as the monetary burden on government to subsidize the single mothers, could be minimized by encouraging individuals to not marry before thirties. By way of conclusion, while getting married and having offspring in the age of thirteen and above has recently gained enormous population amongst youth, I am strongly for such trend as it has positive impacts on the whole society.
Either getting married or being
parent
is a challenged mission;
therefore
,
many
individuals delay such steps to the third decade of their life.
Personally
, I
wholeheartedly
believe that this is a right course of action and this will aid in enhancing the communities
socially
and
financially
.

To commence with, it can hardly
be denied
that delaying the marriage and,
consequently
, having children paves the way for young
people
to work harder and participate in prospering the economy.
In other words
, robust and energetic youth
are supposed
to be more productive in earlier ages, and if they are single, their time will
often
be dedicated
to making money and developing the economy. Take,
for instance
, married woman
usually
tend to work part-time jobs to achieve the work-life balance, whereas she could
be involved
in a full-time occupation
before
being a wife or a mother.
Hence
, I contend that the community may witness more
economical
prosperity if the marriage age
be postponed
.

Further
and even more
importantly
, though, there is no doubt that the older ones became, the more maturity they
get
.
As a result
, a multitude of reckless decisions that
are taken
by
teenagers
such as the divorce, which is
increasingly
pervasive among young couples, even if they have children, due to the lack of the sufficient life experiences. Such sociable issues along with its consequences, including the diverse psychological problems of the young generation
as well
as the monetary burden on
government
to subsidize the single mothers, could
be minimized
by encouraging individuals to not marry
before
thirties.

By way of conclusion, while getting married and having offspring in the age of thirteen and above has recently gained enormous population
amongst
youth, I am
strongly
for such trend as it has
positive
impacts
on the whole
society.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays it is common for people to get married and have children in their thirties rather than when they are younger. that this trend will benefit society? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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