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Nowadays people buy a lot of things even though they don’t really need them. Why is it happening, in your opinion? Is it a positive or negative trend for the individual and the society? v.2

Nowadays people buy a lot of things even though they don’t really need them. Why is it happening, in your opinion? Is it a positive or negative trend for the individual and the society? v. 2
Nowadays, advertising turns into a profitable industry all over the world and it could dominate almost all aspects of human' s lives in various ways. People are more interested in shopping and sometimes buy dispensable items that they do not even need. I believe this is the impact of adverts that could manipulate people' s mind and tempt them to buy more things. While it could improve the economy of different nations, I believe that the negative effects are not only on the budget of the family but also on children' s health. In today' s competitive business market companies need a way to introduce their new products to their customers and it is possible for them by advertising their new commodities. Furthermore, they try to convince individuals that they would live a happier life through purchasing new items and thy entice people to buy unnecessary things. To support my claim, I can refer to an article having been published in Times magazine, indicates that England could boost the economy of the country in 2008 by increasing the advertisements on TV, Radio and internet. There are various reasons why I would argue that this is a negative trend. Firstly, the majority of these adverts target the children who are vulnerable and can be influenced by the ads easily by showing sharp and attractive colors that touch their heart. Consequently, children put pressure on their parents by nagging or pestering to force them buying unhealthy products that have detrimental effects on their health such as fast food. A salient example of this is the MacDownald Company that boosts its income up to 60% by advertising on TV and in the middle of children' s programs. Secondly, it would be a severe threat to the budget of the family who are impressed by these ads and buy unnecessary items. In conclusion, advertisement industry brings a large amount of money for companies. Although it provide more job opportunities for the people, it threats the family' s budget and health.
Nowadays, advertising turns into a profitable industry all over the world and it could dominate almost all aspects of
Possible spelling mistake found.
human&
#039; s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in various ways.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are more interested in shopping and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
dispensable items that they do not even need. I believe this is the impact of adverts that could manipulate
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s mind and tempt them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
more things. While it could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the economy of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nations, I believe that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on the budget of the family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
on
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s health.

In
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s competitive business market
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
need a way to introduce their new products to their customers and it is possible for them by advertising their new commodities.
Furthermore
, they try to convince individuals that they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a happier life through purchasing new items and thy entice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
unnecessary things. To support my claim, I can refer to an article having
been published
in Times magazine, indicates that England could boost the economy of the country in 2008 by increasing the advertisements on TV, Radio and internet.

There are various reasons why I would argue that this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
trend.
Firstly
, the majority of these adverts target the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who are vulnerable and can
be influenced
by the ads
easily
by showing sharp and attractive colors that touch their heart.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
put pressure on their parents by nagging or pestering to force them buying unhealthy products that have detrimental effects on their health such as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food. A salient example of this is the
Possible spelling mistake found.
MacDownald
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Company
that boosts its income up to 60% by advertising on TV and in the middle of
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s programs.
Secondly
, it would be a severe threat to the budget of the family who
are impressed
by these ads and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
unnecessary items.

In conclusion
, advertisement industry brings a large amount of money for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. Although it
Did you mean "provides"?
provide
more job opportunities for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, it threats the
Possible spelling mistake found.
family&
#039; s budget and health.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays people buy a lot of things even though they don’t really need them. Why is it happening, in your opinion? Is it a positive or negative trend for the individual and the society? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
336 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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