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Nowadays people believe that social networking sites such as Facebook have had a huge negative impact on both individual and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Nowadays people believe that social networking sites such as Facebook have had a huge negative impact on both individual and society. v. 2
DUE TO THE ENHANCEMENT IN THE TECHNOLOGHY, PEOPLE ARE ABLE TO COMMUNICATE IN A SHORT PERIOD WITH OTHERS AROUND THE THE WOLRD. ESPECIALLY THROUGH SOCIAL NETWORKING SITES SUCH AS FACEBOOK, INSTAGRAM ETC. HOWEVER, MOE USAGE OF THIS SOCIAL SITES HAVE VARIOUS DETRIMENTAL EFFECTS ON INDIVIDUAL AND SOCIETY AS WELL. THIS ESSAY WILL PARTIALLY CONCUR WITH THE ABOVE STATEMET AND DISCUSS HOW IT IS BADLY AFFECTING TO A PERSON'S LIVES AND COMMUNITY. BUT POSITIVE IMPACT OF THE SOCIAL MEDIAN NEVER BE NEGLATED TOO. ON THE ONE HAND, SOCIAL MEDIA MAKING PEOPLE MORE ISOLATED PHYSICALLY ESPECIALL YOUNGER AND THIS LEADS TO VARIOUS HEALTH PROBLEMS AND SOCIAL AS WELL BECAUSE, THEY TEND TO SPEND THEIR QUALITY TIME MORE BY CHATTING WITH OTHER PEOPLE ON VARIOUS SOCIAL MEDIA WEBSITES. THUS THEY USED TO HAVE LESS TIME FOR THEIR FAMILY ON FRIENDS WHO CARES FOR THEM THE MOST. AND BY THE TIME FAMILY ALSO STARTS KEEPING DISTANCE WITH THEM. FOR EXAMPLE, LAST YEAR SURVEY OF SOCIAL SERVICES DEPARTMENT FROM UK SHOWED THAT APROX 70% OF YOUTHS DO NOT HAVE GOOD EMOTIONAL FAMILY BOND IN BETWEEN MEMBERS DUE TO SHORGAGE OF COMMUNICATION. ON THE OTHER HAND, TECHNOLOGY HAS SIGNIFICIENT CONTRIBUTION IN EXPANSIOM OF BUSINESS WORLDWIDE. BEFORE, ANY BUSINESS WAS LIMITED TO SPECIFIC GEOGRAPHICAL AREA, BUT NOW, BECAUSE OF THE SOCIAL SITE, IT IS POSSIBLE TO PUBLISH AROUN THE GLOBE BY INTERACTING WITH OTHER COUNTRIES. MOREOVER, PEOPLE ALSO HAVE COME TOGATHER SOCIALLY FROM DIVERT CONTINENT AND SHARING THEIR CULURE AND CUSTOMS WITH EACHOTHER. HENCE, GOVERNMENT ALSO BENEFITED ECONOMICALLY. FOR INSTANCE, GREAT INDIAN BUSINESSMAN SAID IN THE INTERVIEW THAT 90 OF THEIR BUSINESS RUNS BY THE MULTINATIONAL COMPANIES DUE O WASY TO INTERACT AROUND THE GLOBE. THAT TO WOTH CHEAPER AND WITHOT ADDIDTIONAL REQUIREMENT. IN CONCLUSION, TECHNOLOGY INDEED HELP PEOPLE IN BECOMING MORE SOCIALLY ACTIVE AND INTERACTIVE BUT ON THE OPPOSITE SIDE IT IS INCREASING THE DISTANCE IN THEIR RELATIONSHIP. THEREFORE, I BELIEVE, IF PEOPLE USE THE SOCIAL SITE WISELY IN A CORRECT WAY, THEN THE NEGATIVE IMPACT CAN BE OVERWEIGH WITH POSITIVE EFFECT.
DUE TO THE ENHANCEMENT IN THE
Possible spelling mistake found.
TECHNOLOGHY
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
ARE ABLE TO COMMUNICATE IN A SHORT PERIOD WITH OTHERS AROUND
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "THE" or "THE" is left.
THE THE
Possible spelling mistake found.
WOLRD
.
ESPECIALLY
THROUGH
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SOCIAL
NETWORKING
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SITES
SUCH AS FACEBOOK, INSTAGRAM ETC.
HOWEVER
, MOE USAGE OF THIS
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SOCIAL
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SITES
HAVE VARIOUS DETRIMENTAL EFFECTS ON INDIVIDUAL AND SOCIETY
AS WELL
. THIS ESSAY WILL
PARTIALLY
CONCUR WITH THE ABOVE
Possible spelling mistake found.
STATEMET
AND DISCUSS HOW IT IS
BADLY
AFFECTING TO A PERSON'S
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
LIVES
AND COMMUNITY.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BUT
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
POSITIVE
IMPACT OF THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SOCIAL
MEDIAN
The adverb 'NEVER' usually goes after the verb 'BE'.
NEVER BE
Possible spelling mistake found.
NEGLATED
TOO.

ON THE ONE HAND,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SOCIAL
MEDIA MAKING
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
MORE ISOLATED
PHYSICALLY
Possible spelling mistake found.
ESPECIALL
YOUNGER AND THIS LEADS TO VARIOUS HEALTH PROBLEMS AND
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SOCIAL
AS WELL
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BECAUSE
, THEY TEND TO SPEND THEIR QUALITY TIME MORE BY CHATTING WITH
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
OTHER
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
ON VARIOUS
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SOCIAL
MEDIA WEBSITES.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
THUS
THEY
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
USED
TO HAVE LESS TIME FOR THEIR FAMILY ON FRIENDS WHO
Did you mean "care"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'FRIENDS' should be used.
CARES
FOR THEM THE MOST. AND BY THE TIME FAMILY
ALSO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
STARTS
KEEPING DISTANCE WITH THEM.
FOR EXAMPLE
, LAST YEAR SURVEY OF
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SOCIAL
SERVICES DEPARTMENT FROM UK
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
SHOWED
THAT
Possible spelling mistake found.
APROX
70% OF YOUTHS DO NOT HAVE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GOOD
EMOTIONAL FAMILY BOND IN BETWEEN MEMBERS DUE TO
Possible spelling mistake found.
SHORGAGE
OF COMMUNICATION.

ON THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
OTHER
HAND, TECHNOLOGY HAS
Possible spelling mistake found.
SIGNIFICIENT
CONTRIBUTION IN
Possible spelling mistake found.
EXPANSIOM
OF BUSINESS WORLDWIDE.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BEFORE
, ANY BUSINESS
WAS LIMITED
TO SPECIFIC GEOGRAPHICAL AREA,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BUT
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
NOW
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BECAUSE
OF THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SOCIAL
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SITE
, IT IS POSSIBLE TO PUBLISH
Possible spelling mistake found.
AROUN
THE GLOBE BY INTERACTING WITH
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
OTHER
COUNTRIES.
MOREOVER
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
ALSO
HAVE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
COME
Possible spelling mistake found.
TOGATHER
SOCIALLY
FROM DIVERT CONTINENT AND SHARING THEIR
Possible spelling mistake found.
CULURE
AND CUSTOMS WITH
Possible spelling mistake found.
EACHOTHER
.
HENCE
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GOVERNMENT
ALSO
BENEFITED
ECONOMICALLY
.
FOR INSTANCE
, GREAT INDIAN BUSINESSMAN SAID IN THE INTERVIEW THAT 90 OF THEIR BUSINESS RUNS BY THE MULTINATIONAL
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
COMPANIES
DUE O
Possible spelling mistake found.
WASY
TO INTERACT AROUND THE GLOBE. THAT TO
Possible spelling mistake found.
WOTH
CHEAPER AND
Possible spelling mistake found.
WITHOT
Possible spelling mistake found.
ADDIDTIONAL
REQUIREMENT.

IN CONCLUSION
, TECHNOLOGY
INDEED
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
HELP
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
IN BECOMING MORE
SOCIALLY
ACTIVE AND INTERACTIVE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BUT
ON THE OPPOSITE SIDE IT IS INCREASING THE DISTANCE IN THEIR RELATIONSHIP.
THEREFORE
, I BELIEVE, IF
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
USE
THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SOCIAL
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SITE
WISELY
IN A CORRECT WAY, THEN THE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
NEGATIVE
IMPACT CAN BE
Possible spelling mistake found.
OVERWEIGH
WITH
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
POSITIVE
EFFECT.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Nowadays people believe that social networking sites such as Facebook have had a huge negative impact on both individual and society. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
336 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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