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Universities should accept equal number of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree/disagree? v.1

Universities should accept equal number of male and female students in every subject. v. 1
Some people hold the opinion that tertiary education facilities ought to take in the same number of men and women for each course. I completely disagree with this statement and will discuss why with regards to factors relating to the merit of students and how this act is not realistic. Choosing potential students for a university course should be based on merit and not according to race or sex. For example, academics and whether the candidate will be suitable for the post, should be the main factors to consider when accepting students. This is a fair approach as scholars who are deserving of studying the subject are chosen. In addition, by accepting unsuitable candidates, they may show a lack of interest or may struggle which could have adverse effects on both the university and the student. Therefore, males and females should be chosen to study a university subject according to their results, and not their gender. Even though accepting an equal number of each gender for each subject favours equality, it is unrealistic as men and women have different strengths and weaknesses. For instance, women may be better at graphic designing so more ought to be accepted for this course because they might be better suited. By enrolling men just to fill up a quota is completely idealistic. For this reason, men and women are suited to different careers. In conclusion, while enrolling an equal number of males and females to each subject breaks gender discrimination, students should rather be chosen according to their academics and not a quota system. For this reason, I completely disagree with the above-mentioned statement.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
hold the opinion that tertiary education facilities ought to take in the same number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
for each course. I completely disagree with this statement and will discuss why
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
with regards to
factors relating to the merit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and how this act is not realistic.

Choosing potential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
for a university course should
be based
on merit and not according to race or sex.
For example
, academics and whether the candidate will be suitable for the post, should be the main factors to consider when accepting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. This is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
approach as scholars who
The verb 'deserving' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are deserving
of studying the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
are chosen
.
In addition
, by accepting unsuitable candidates, they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
a lack of interest or may struggle which could have adverse effects on both the university and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
.
Therefore
, males and females should
be chosen
to study a university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
according to their results, and not their gender.

Even though
accepting an equal number of each gender for each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
Possible spelling mistake. 'favours' is British English.
favours
equality, it is unrealistic as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
strengths and weaknesses.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
may be better at graphic designing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
more ought to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
for this course
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they might be better suited. By enrolling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to fill up a quota is completely idealistic.
For this reason
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are suited
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
careers.

In conclusion
, while enrolling an equal number of males and females to each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
breaks gender discrimination,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
rather
be chosen
according to their academics and not a quota system.
For this reason
, I completely disagree with the above-mentioned statement.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay Universities should accept equal number of male and female students in every subject. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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