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Governments should spend their money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.1

Governments should spend their money on railways rather than roads. with this statement? v. 1
In this present World, investments in railways and roads are constantly on the rise. However, there is still an ongoing debate on whether governments should spend their budget on railways or roads. In my opinion, it would be much more efficient for governments to invest in railways. Because, supporting railway transportation could help governments to reduce traffic and carbon dioxide emissions, which caused mainly by the increasing number of car usage. First of all, investing in railways is one of the best solutions to reduce traffic, which is a common problem nowadays. For instance, it is widely known that an increasing number of cars on the road is the main reason of traffic. An advanced railway system will encourage people to use trains rather than their own individual cars. Therefore, governments will see a decrease in the number of cars on the road in the short-run which will inevitably contribute to reduce traffic. Secondly, carbon dioxide emission would be decreased if governments invest their capital in railway transportation. For example, it is agreed that CO2 discharge is mainly caused by an increasing amount of car usage. Governments can prevent this problem caused by cars by just investing in railway transportation and encouraging people to use trains. Thus, it would be much more efficient for governments to spend their money on railways since it contributes not only to reduce traffic but also to reduce CO2 emission. To sum up, in case of choosing whether to spend money on railways or roads, it would be a better idea to choose railways for governments since it helps governments to solve the traffic problem and reduce carbon dioxide emission caused mainly by cars. Therefore, I believe that governments should spend their money on railways rather than roads.
In this present World, investments in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
are
constantly
on the rise.
However
, there is
still
an ongoing debate on whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their budget on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
. In my opinion, it would be much more efficient for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
to invest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, supporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
transportation could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
and carbon dioxide emissions, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
caused
mainly
by the increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
usage.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, investing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
is one of the best solutions to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
, which is a common problem nowadays.
For instance
, it is
widely
known that an increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
is the main reason of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
. An advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
system will encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
trains
rather
than their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a decrease in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
in the short-run which will
inevitably
contribute to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
traffic.

Secondly
, carbon dioxide emission would
be decreased
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
invest their capital in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
transportation.
For example
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that CO2 discharge is
mainly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
caused
by an increasing amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
usage.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Governments
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this problem
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
caused
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
investing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
transportation and encouraging
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
trains.
Thus
, it would be much more efficient for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
since it contributes not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
CO2 emission.

To sum up, in case of choosing whether to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
, it would be a better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
since it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
to solve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
problem and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
carbon dioxide emission
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
caused
mainly
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
.
Therefore
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Governments should spend their money on railways rather than roads. with this statement? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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