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Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on both individual and societies. To what extent do you agree? v.2

Social networks is crucial in this modern age and everyone is getting adapted to this trend irrespective of the ages. More number of people have a understanding that using social network platform will definitely lead to some disadvantages on people and environment. However, I entirely believe that they contribute aspects that are helpful to the individuals and improves the society. Majority of people have a flawed understanding over social networking sites, for instance, instagram, whatsapp, facebook are some applications where one can communicate to another only through internet which is not safe. People believe that it might lead to addiction which later cause health issues in terms of stress. According to a research from the Harvard university, there is a increasing number of people aged between 8-25 are facing serious health problems due to the reason of using many networking sites constantly. Conversely, there are some beneficials in using the networking applications in order to improve education. For example, owing tot he COVID situation, most of the teaching method are changed virtually, where one can learn easily by staying at home. Society on the other hand receive benefits. Recent in Tamil Nadu a protest named "Jallikattu" gone viral and reason behind was because of Facebook, Instagram, Whatsapp and many such social networking applications which payed a way to throw light on the States's culture and tradition in order to conduct the jallikattu event. To recapitulate, social networkings can have both negative and positive effect. Meanwhile, it is in the hands of the individual to make it better and useful. In my opinion, I strongly agree that these network sites enable us to explore more and bring in true colours of Nations's development.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
networks
It seems that the correct verb form here is “are”.
is
crucial in this modern age and everyone is getting adapted to this trend irrespective of the ages. More number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
Use “an” instead of ‘a’ if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. ‘an article’, ‘an hour’.
a
understanding that using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
network platform will definitely lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and environment.
However
, I
entirely
believe that they contribute aspects that are helpful to the individuals and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the society.

Majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a flawed understanding over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking sites,
for instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
instagram
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
whatsapp
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
facebook
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
applications where one can communicate to another
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
through internet which is not safe.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
believe that it might lead to addiction which later cause health issues in terms of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. According to
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply “research”.
a research
from the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Harvard university
, there is
Use “an” instead of ‘a’ if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. ‘an article’, ‘an hour’.
a
increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
aged between 8-25 are facing serious health problems due to the reason of using
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
networking sites
constantly
.

Conversely
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
beneficials
in using the networking applications in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
education.
For example
, owing
Did you mean “to the”?
tot he
Did you mean “COVID-19” or the alternative spelling “Covid-19” (= coronavirus)?
COVID
situation, most of the teaching method are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
virtually
, where one can learn
easily
by staying at home. Society
on the other hand
receive benefits. Recent in Tamil Nadu a protest named
Use a smart opening quote here.
"
Possible spelling mistake found.
Jallikattu
Use a smart closing quote here.
"
gone viral and reason behind was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of Facebook, Instagram,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Whatsapp
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking applications which
Only in a nautical context ‘payed’ is an acceptable past tense form of ‘pay’. Please check!
payed
a way to throw light on the States's culture and tradition in order to conduct the
Possible spelling mistake found.
jallikattu
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
.

To recapitulate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
Possible spelling mistake found.
networkings can
have both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect. Meanwhile, it is in the hands of the individual to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it better and useful. In my opinion, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that these network sites enable us to explore more and bring in true
Possible spelling mistake. ‘colours’ is British English.
colours
of Nations's development.
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The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on both individual and society.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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