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Nowadays people are spending more time in workplace and staying away from home for work Discuss its advantages and disadvantages with your own experiences v.2

Nowadays people are spending more time in workplace and staying away from home for work Discuss its advantages and disadvantages with your own experiences v. 2
People are becoming workaholic nowadays, they spend much time on their work instead of with their family. Although, being work obsessed is quite beneficial in the terms of finances, there are some demerits that can be occurred due to this practice. Advantages and disadvantages of this will be discussed in the upcoming paragraphs. To commence with, in the era of inflation, the financial needs become higher as compared to past, so people have to stay at work for long time to fulfil the demands which is quite fruitful to earn heavy cash, and experience in specific field as well. Spending more time at workplace aids people in monetary terms as well as they remain connected with their work which enhances their experience in job. As an instance, a survey conducted in one company reveals that the employees who do overtime during their job, not only they earn extra salary, but also enhance their skills in work field. Ergo, devoting family hours to work is advantageous for the development of career and economy of one. However, family is also a mandatory for a person so expanding work hours can lead to devastating consequences in the family matters also, on the work. Staying more in an organisation where they work instead of family brings misunderstandings and quarrels among housemates, which leads to lack of productivity in work due to personal problems. In addition to it, continues work also put bad impact on the psychology of workers due to lack of refreshments and breaks in work. Hence, spending less time with family paves a way to plethora of menaces. To conclude, advantages and disadvantages go side by side, nevertheless, person should manage their work and family hours meticulously to reduce the demerits.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are becoming workaholic nowadays, they spend much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
instead
of with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. Although, being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
obsessed is quite beneficial in the terms of finances, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
demerits that can
be occurred
due to this practice. Advantages and disadvantages of this will
be discussed
in the upcoming paragraphs.

To commence with, in the era of inflation, the financial needs become higher
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
compared to past,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
stay at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to fulfil the demands which is quite fruitful to earn heavy cash, and experience in specific field
as well
. Spending more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at workplace aids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in monetary terms
as well
as they remain connected with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
which enhances their experience in job. As an instance, a survey conducted in one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
reveals that the employees who do overtime during their job, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
they earn extra salary,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
enhance their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
field. Ergo, devoting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
hours to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is advantageous for the development of career and economy of one.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is
also
a mandatory for a person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
expanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
hours can lead to devastating consequences in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
matters
also
, on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. Staying more in an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
where they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
brings misunderstandings and quarrels among housemates, which leads to lack of productivity in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
due to personal problems.
In addition
to it, continues
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
also
put
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impact on the psychology of workers due to lack of refreshments and breaks in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Hence
, spending less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
paves a way to plethora of menaces.

To conclude
, advantages and disadvantages go side by side,
nevertheless
, person should manage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
hours
meticulously
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the demerits.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays people are spending more time in workplace and staying away from home for work Discuss its advantages and disadvantages with your own experiences v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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