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Some people believe that money is the best gift for teenagers while other disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people believe that money is the best gift for teenagers while other disagree. v. 2
Providing opulence to the young ones, unanimity of shrewd believes, is the best gift for them, however, opponents of this idea think, it is not a suitable gift for younger people. I will discuss both the views, before giving any particular opinion, in the upcoming paragraphs. To begin with, giving money as a gift, provide reinforcement to children to work harder. Because when they get money as a gift from their parents and others, it considered as a reward for good deeds, which enhance their confidence and instincts to do good deeds. Moreover, it also boosts management skills for finances. When teenagers get money as a gift they can use it by themselves and they have to manage according to their needs. On the flip side, youngsters can indulge in bad activities if they get a high amount of fiscal al as a gift only because they not understand the value of money and use it for wrong purposes. In addition, it may also leads to juvenile delinquency because once they get luxuries, it may paves them to do crimes for money. For instance, a research conducted in one metropolitan city shows that the children who get enough money in their childhood are 40% more likely to indulge in crime during adulthood. In my opinion, giving money as a present to teenagers is a great gift for children but it should be in restricted manner To conclude, both opinions have their own significance, however it is parents responsibility to tell their children about effective way to use money
Providing opulence to the young ones, unanimity of shrewd
Did you mean "beliefs" (noun) instead of believes (verb)?
believes
, is the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
for them,
however
, opponents of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, it is not a suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
for younger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. I will discuss both the views,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
giving any particular opinion, in the upcoming paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
, provide reinforcement to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to work harder.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
from their parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
, it considered as a reward for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
deeds, which enhance their confidence and instincts to do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
deeds.
Moreover
, it
also
boosts management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for finances. When
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it by
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
themselves and
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
manage according to their needs.

On the flip side, youngsters can indulge in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
activities if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a high amount of fiscal
Possible spelling mistake found.
al
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they not understand the value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
purposes.
In addition
, it may
also
The verb 'may' requires the base form of the verb: "lead"
leads
to juvenile delinquency
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
once they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
luxuries, it may
The verb 'may' requires the base form of the verb: "pave"
paves
them to do crimes for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
For instance
,
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
conducted in one metropolitan city
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in their childhood are 40% more likely to indulge in crime during adulthood.

In my opinion, giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as a present to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
is a great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it should be in restricted manner

To conclude
, both opinions have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
significance,
however
it is parents responsibility to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about effective way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that money is the best gift for teenagers while other disagree. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
257 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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