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Nowadays people are spending more time in workplace and staying away from home for work Discuss its advantages and disadvantages with your own experiences v.1

Nowadays people are spending more time in workplace and staying away from home for work Discuss its advantages and disadvantages with your own experiences v. 1
It is debated by some people that parents of children who breach the case, should be penalized in the same ways. I disagree, as no parent would ever encourage his or her infant to become a criminal, and punishing the parents for the fault of one juvenile would be unfair to the other siblings. Parents, no matter how many offences they have committed themselves, would never persuade their youth to break the mandate. That is to say, parents have an innate desire, to raise their kids to become a successful, case-abiding citizen. However, kids these days hardly ever listen to their parents, and yearn for independence, at a very early age, from their parents and ruling. For instance, a recent survey in the UK showed, almost 80% of the children who were caught shoplifting, were already being seriously condemned and punished by their parents. Another reason I am against punishing the parents for the crimes of their child is that this would be unfair to the other innocent siblings. They have done nothing wrong, and thus, don’t deserve to have their parents taken away from them. Putting their parents in jail would also increase their chances of following the bad path and the whole family would be destroyed. Children raised in social care centres and foster homes are known to have 10 times more personality disorders and violent temperaments. In conclusion, parents should not be convicted for their children breaking the law, as they try their best to deter them from doing so. Moreover, this will be unjust to the other siblings who didn’t commit any offence.
It
is debated
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who breach the case, should
be penalized
in the same ways. I disagree, as no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
would ever encourage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
infant to become a criminal, and punishing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
for the fault of one juvenile would be unfair to the other siblings.

Parents, no matter how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
they have committed themselves, would never persuade their youth to break the mandate.
That is
to say,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have an innate desire, to raise their kids to become a successful, case-abiding citizen.
However
, kids these days hardly ever listen to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, and yearn for independence, at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
early age, from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and ruling.
For instance
, a recent survey in the UK
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
, almost 80% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
were caught
shoplifting, were already being
seriously
condemned and punished by their parents.

Another reason I am against punishing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
for the crimes of their child is that this would be unfair to the other innocent siblings. They have done nothing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
, and
thus
, don’t deserve to have their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
taken away from them. Putting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in jail would
also
increase their chances of following the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
path and the whole family would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
raised in social care
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
and foster homes
are known
to have 10 times more personality disorders and violent temperaments.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should not
be convicted
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
breaking the law, as they try their best to deter them from doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.
Moreover
, this will be unjust to the other siblings who didn’t commit any
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Nowadays people are spending more time in workplace and staying away from home for work Discuss its advantages and disadvantages with your own experiences v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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