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Nowadays people are spending more time in workplace and staying away from home for work. Discuss its advantages and disadvantages with your own experiences. v.1

Nowadays people are spending more time in workplace and staying away from home for work. Discuss its advantages and disadvantages with your own experiences. v. 1
Irrefutably, long working hours has a huge influence on people’s lives virtually all around the world. Although people will often struggle with work life balance while utilising extra hours at the company, they will also gain significant work experience that will reward them to enhance their careers. This essay will discuss both benefits and drawbacks of this situation. The greatest benefit of staying more at the office is that individual has different work experiences so they can improve themselves otherwise impossible if they had only worked for few hours. Being a fresher requires more time to push themselves beyond the norm into unusually difficult tasks. For example, when I started my carrier, I continually pushed myself out of my comfort zone to learn new things and prove myself at the workplace. In addition to this, at higher position people have a lot of responsibilities so that they spent almost time at the organization. Therefore, it is clearly evident that Spending more time in office is beneficial for the growth of a person. The main challenges that people face while staying away is you cannot maintain balance between work and other aspects of life. These can pose massive obstacles for people because they cannot spend enough time with family. For instance, while working more than usual hours I felt tired and stressful so after coming at home cannot utilise enough time with family members. Thus, it is comprehensible to consider that less time at home affect personal life. Putting in the nutshell, personal growth by spending more time are beneficial for the well being of individual future. Nonetheless, health & harmonious lifestyle cannot be denied too. Overall, it is anticipated that one should balance between work and personal life for a bright future.
Irrefutably
, long working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
has a huge influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
virtually
all around the world.

Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
struggle with
It seems that a hyphen is missing.
work life
balance while
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilising' is British English.
utilising
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, they will
also
gain significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
experience that will reward them to enhance their careers. This essay will discuss both benefits and drawbacks of this situation.

The greatest benefit of staying more at the office is that individual has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
experiences
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
themselves
otherwise
impossible if they had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
worked for few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
. Being a fresher requires more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to push themselves beyond the norm into
unusually
difficult tasks.
For example
, when I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
my carrier, I
continually
pushed myself out of my comfort zone to learn new things and prove myself at the workplace.
In addition
to this, at higher position
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
responsibilities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they spent almost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at the organization.
Therefore
, it is
clearly
evident that

Spending more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in office is beneficial for the growth of a person.

The main challenges that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
face while staying away is you cannot maintain balance between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and other aspects of life. These can pose massive obstacles for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they cannot spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with family.
For instance
, while working more than usual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
I felt tired and stressful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
after coming at home cannot
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with family members.
Thus
, it is comprehensible to consider that less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home affect personal life.

Putting in the nutshell, personal growth by spending more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
are beneficial for the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
of individual future.

Nonetheless, health & harmonious lifestyle cannot
be denied
too.

Overall
, it
is anticipated
that one should balance between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and personal life for a bright future.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay Nowadays people are spending more time in workplace and staying away from home for work. Discuss its advantages and disadvantages with your own experiences. v. 1

Essay
  American English
8 paragraphs
292 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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