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Nowadays people are more willing to help the people who they don't know (For example, giving food and clothes to the people who need them) than they were in the past. v.2

Nowadays people are more willing to help the people who they don't know (For example, giving food and clothes to the people who need them) than they were in the past. v. 2
In the past, people live differently from the way we life our one now. For instance, they were not in a rush all the time, so they care more about others. However, young people of today are completely careless about others around them for some reasons. First, people are more narcissistic now than ever before. This means that they are just paying attention to what account in their life. Therefore, many individuals are not willing to help people they do not know, yet they are too busy being selfish. For example, I read an article a few days ago that today the citizens are buying clothes more frequently than in the past. Moreover, teenagers are worried to take beautiful pictures, and thus going to the gym. After a survey was made, in which they ask if they have helped a stranger recently, the results confirmed that any of them has helped even one. However, the article reported all of the people asked were going to the gym. Analyzing the results enables us to see that it is more important to build up muscle than help an unknown person. Consequently, as we see, in the present people are not willing to help strangers. Moreover, although individuals want to aid others, they are scared for security reasons. On one hand, insurance companies tend to sue persons for almost everything. For example, if a person has an emergency and requires immediate assistance, companies recommend that the injured person cannot be touched until 911 has arrived. This can be the difference between being alive or death just for one minute, and this person takes the right decision. With this in mind, my father, who is a Vet in Venezuela, saved a person life. He saw how a car ran over a guy, so he ran right away to see what he could do. As a result, he used his knowledge of medicine to save this guy’s life when he made a tourniquet on the man' s leg. Thus, this decision saved the man' s life. However, in the USA, the police say not to touch a person when having an emergency. Although people have the best intentions, they will not be able to do. To sum up, people in the past were more willing to support others in any situation. For all my reasons above exposed, today, many individuals are not willing to help others. In addition, the insurance policies difficult more this process, so persons are afraid to aid others.
In the past,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
differently
from the way we
Possible agreement error -- use verb form: "live".
life
our one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
For instance
, they were not in a rush all the time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they care more about others.
However
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are completely careless about others around them for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons.

First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more narcissistic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. This means that they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
paying attention to what account in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
willing
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
they do not know,
yet
they are too busy being selfish.
For example
, I read an article a few days ago that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
the citizens are buying clothes more
frequently
than in the past.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are worried
to take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
pictures, and
thus
going to the gym. After a survey
was made
, in which they ask if they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
a stranger recently, the results confirmed that any of them has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
even one.
However
, the article reported
Consider using "all the".
all of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
asked were going to the gym. Analyzing the results enables us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that it is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to build up muscle than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
an unknown
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
.
Consequently
, as we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
, in the present
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
willing
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
strangers.

Moreover
, although individuals want to aid others, they
are scared
for security reasons. On one hand, insurance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
tend to sue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
for almost everything.
For example
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
has an emergency and requires immediate assistance,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
recommend that the injured
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
cannot
be touched
until 911 has arrived. This can be the difference between being alive or death
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for one minute, and this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
takes the right decision. With this in mind, my father, who is a Vet in Venezuela, saved a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. He
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
how a car ran over a guy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
he ran right away to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
what he could do.
As a result
, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
his knowledge of medicine to save this guy’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
when he made a tourniquet on the
Possible spelling mistake found.
man&
#039; s leg.
Thus
, this decision saved the
Possible spelling mistake found.
man&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
However
, in the USA, the police say not to touch a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
when having an emergency. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have the best intentions, they will not be able to do.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the past were more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
willing
to support others in any situation. For all my reasons above exposed,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
willing
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
others.
In addition
, the insurance policies difficult more this process,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
are afraid to aid others.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays people are more willing to help the people who they don't know (For example, giving food and clothes to the people who need them) than they were in the past. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
417 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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