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do you agree or disagree? people nowadays are more willing to help other people (giving food or clothing) than in the past or not. v.116

people nowadays are more willing to help other people (giving food or clothing) than in the past or not. v. 116
The question is whether people nowadays are more willing to help other people (giving food or clothing) than in the past or not. Everyone with regard to his private view point can maintain a specific direction toward this view; however I am inclined to affirm this statement. There are some reasons for this claim that I will tender in following and those reasons will strengthen my point of view: To begin with, it is axiomatic that people today' s earn enough money. Despite of huge mass of economics troubles in the society, there are numerous families who live in a fair circumstance. It is obvious that the entrepreneurs have provided a lot of work in community; hence the percentage of unemployment has reduced, although there is still poor cortex; therefore people with steady income prefer to allot amount of their income for needy families. The second reason why I advocate this idea lies in the fact that the technology has changed everything in the world; consequently the news can be published faster and people are able to gain the newest statistics about their country. The tank for the invention of internet, smartphones, tablets and digital cameras which help us to announce some evidences about poor people (like publishing some photos about condition of their life, their address and their telephone number and so on) to each other. I am going to empower my arguments with following discussion. Nobody could overlook this fact that people with kind heart and spiritual soul have always been during the history; however today' s some groups have gathered and created some institutions with the objectives of helping to poor patients, homeless children and other needful people. Their active members try to provide some papers to invite other people for joining to these types of charities. Again the existence of technology plays a crucial role here for fast publishing information (airplane, car, phone, fast post. . . ) By taking all above mentioned arguments this conclusion could be drawn that nowadays people have more opportunities compared with the past for helping each other with having sufficient income, getting information through internet and the attendance of charity institutions.
The question is whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays are more willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
(giving food or clothing) than in the past or not. Everyone with regard to his private view point can maintain a specific direction toward this view;
however
I
am inclined
to affirm this statement. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons for this claim that I will tender in following and those reasons will strengthen my point of view:

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is axiomatic that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money.
Did you mean "Despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
Despite of
huge mass of economics troubles in the society, there are numerous families who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
circumstance. It is obvious that the entrepreneurs have provided
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
work in community;
hence
the percentage of unemployment has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
, although there is
still
poor cortex;
therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with steady income prefer to allot amount of their income for needy families.

The second reason why I advocate this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
lies in the fact that the technology has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
everything in the world;
consequently
the news can
be published
faster and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are able to gain the newest statistics about their country. The tank for the invention of internet, smartphones, tablets and digital cameras which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to announce
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
evidences about poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
(like publishing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
photos about condition of their life, their address and their telephone number and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on) to each other.

I am going to empower my arguments with following discussion. Nobody could overlook this fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with kind heart and spiritual soul have always been during the history;
however
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
groups have gathered and created
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
institutions with the objectives of helping to poor patients, homeless children and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
needful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Their active members try to provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
papers to invite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for joining to these types of charities. Again the existence of technology plays a crucial role here for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
publishing information (airplane, car, phone,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
post.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Loose punctuation mark.
)


By taking all above mentioned arguments this conclusion could
be drawn
that nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more opportunities compared with the past for helping each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
with having sufficient income, getting information through internet and the attendance of charity institutions.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay people nowadays are more willing to help other people (giving food or clothing) than in the past or not. v. 116

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
361 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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