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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? In the past young people depended on their parents for making decisions. Today, young people are better able to make decisions on their own. v.498

In the past young people depended on their parents for making decisions. Today, young people are better able to make decisions on their own. v. 498
From great, important moments to tiny, trivial daily things, people make decisions repeatedly throughout their lives. As living in a world so sophisticated, it true that decisions are hard to make sometimes, especially for young people who are less experienced. However, in my candid opinion, I would like to agree with the claim that young people are better able to make decisions on their own than before. To substantiate my view, I would like to address several reasons. Youngsters today are born in a time of technological boom. For the past decades, enormous inventions has enabled us to know more about the world with less efforts. For example, since the invisible wires of the Internet has spread form gigantic cites to the most remote areas, people are overwhelmed by globalization and individualism, and young people are the group to be affected profoundly. They are well equipped by those high-tech weapons to face demons of decisions. On the other hand, some people may contend that young people enter society at the age far elder than they did before. A research among Taiwanese people at the age of eighteen to twenty-two has shown that 95% of them are still studying. Compared to the past, young people were not so fortunate. 80% of them had to work in order to struggle for their lives. Owing to this fact, young people in the past had to face various challenges like how to hold a family or how to earn money. These are definitely experiences that people of the same age today would not have or even just imagine. Thus, young people today must depends more on their parents for making decisions. However, is facing more decisions at a younger age for young people necessarily equals to making decisions more on their own? Young people today are far well educated. As literacy rate of young people have increased tremendously compared to decades before, young people are more able to embrace knowledge and intelligence, to be bombarded with various ideas and different ways of thinking, and to be nourished by experiences passed down from ancestors. Although they are still in school, a place where less great decisions but more small ones could be encountered, they more confident to decide independently since education has given them sharper, more complicated minds. And also when they graduated and enter the society, they are ready for challenges. In conclusion, I like to agree with the idea that youngster today are better able to make decisions on their own attributed to technological advances and education.
From great,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
moments to tiny, trivial daily things,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
repeatedly
throughout their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. As living in a world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
sophisticated, it true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
,
especially
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are less experienced.
However
, in my candid opinion, I would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are better able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. To substantiate my view, I would like to address several reasons.

Youngsters
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
are born
in a time of technological boom. For the past decades, enormous inventions has enabled us to know more about the world with
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun efforts is countable.
less
efforts.
For example
, since the invisible wires of the Internet has spread form gigantic cites to the most remote areas,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are overwhelmed
by globalization and individualism, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are the group to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
profoundly
. They are
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well equipped
by those high-tech weapons to face demons of decisions.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may contend that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enter society at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
far elder than they did
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
A research
among Taiwanese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of eighteen to twenty-two has shown that 95% of them are
still
studying. Compared to the past,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
fortunate. 80% of them had to work in order to struggle for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Owing to this fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the past had to face various challenges like how to hold a family or how to earn money. These are definitely experiences that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
would not have or even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
imagine.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
The verb 'must' requires the base form of the verb: "depend"
depends
more on their parents for making decisions.

However
, is facing more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
at a younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
necessarily
equals to making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
more on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
?
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
are far
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well educated
. As literacy rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have increased
tremendously
compared to decades
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more able to embrace knowledge and intelligence, to
be bombarded
with various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways of thinking, and to
be nourished
by experiences passed down from ancestors. Although they are
still
in school, a place where less great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
ones could
be encountered
, they more confident to decide
independently
since education has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
them sharper, more complicated minds. And
also
when they graduated and enter the society, they are ready for challenges.

In conclusion
, I like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that youngster
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
are better able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
attributed to technological advances and education.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
47Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay In the past young people depended on their parents for making decisions. Today, young people are better able to make decisions on their own. v. 498

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
424 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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