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Some children receive almost no encouragement from their parents regarding their performance at school, while other children receive too much pressure from their over enthusiastic parents which can have a negative impact on the child. Why do you think some parents put too much pressure on their children to perform well at school? v.1

Some children receive almost no encouragement from their parents regarding their performance at school, while other children receive too much pressure from their over enthusiastic parents which can have a negative impact on the child. Why do you think some parents put too much pressure on their children to perform well at school? v. 1
Many school-age children can’t get support from their families related to their school academic performance. However, some parents interested lay their children overbearing and that’s affects negatively in kids. In my opinion, I believe that parents should keep their kids under pressure in their educational process but not too much. Firstly, when parents keep their children overbearing in their learning, they will assist them to build their characters and also it will assist them to develop their academic level. By this I mean, if parents take care of their children at an early age even at kindergarten to support them, they would like to achieve more in different fields which are provided by the administration. For example, I encouraged my son who aged 5 years old, to participate in a competition for innovation 2020. He creates a smartboard to assist young children to be creatives and learning independently and they chose his project to be one of the best ten innovative projects created by students around the UAE. Moreover, from this experience, my son felts proud of himself and he became more confident because people named him the youngest scientist and he became famous in school and AL Ain city. Secondly, children who are constantly pressured by their parents will have the opportunity to obtain into the most prestigious schools or get the best scholarships to prepare their kids for the future to have a better vocation with high salaries. As a result of this, when they grow up, they have the choice to study in a country or either abroad where ever they want around the world. For instance, my brothers who are under pressure in their studies from my parents had scholarships in the US and the UK because they had a high GPA in the school and they employed with a high salary. In addition, this pressured to assist them to be independent of themselves. In conclusion, parents should be cares about their children academically in school, but without pressuring them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
school-age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
support from their families related to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
academic performance.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
interested lay their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
overbearing and that’s affects
negatively
in kids. In my opinion, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their kids under pressure in their educational process
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not too much.

Firstly
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
overbearing in their learning, they will assist them to build their characters and
also
it will assist them to develop their academic level. By this I mean, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
take care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at an early age even at kindergarten to support them, they would like to achieve more in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
fields which
are provided
by the administration.
For example
, I encouraged my son who aged 5 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, to participate in a competition for innovation 2020. He creates a
Possible spelling mistake found.
smartboard
to assist young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be creatives and learning
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
independently and
they chose his project to be one of the best ten innovative projects created by students around the UAE.
Moreover
, from this experience, my son felts proud of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
himself and
he became more confident
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
named him the youngest
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
scientist and
he became
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and AL Ain city.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who are
constantly
pressured by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
will have the opportunity to obtain into the most prestigious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the best scholarships to prepare their kids for the future to have a better vocation with high salaries.
As a result
of this, when they grow up, they have the choice to study in a country or either abroad where ever they want around the world.
For instance
, my brothers who are under pressure in their studies from my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
had scholarships in the US and the UK
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they had a high GPA in the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
school and
they employed with a high salary.
In addition
, this pressured to assist them to be independent of themselves.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should be cares about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
academically
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
without pressuring them.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some children receive almost no encouragement from their parents regarding their performance at school, while other children receive too much pressure from their over enthusiastic parents which can have a negative impact on the child. Why do you think some parents put too much pressure on their children to perform well at school? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
334 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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