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Nowadays parents too much pressure on their children to succeed. What is the reason for doing this? Is this negative or a positive development? v.1

Nowadays parents too much pressure on their children to succeed. What is the reason for doing this? Is this negative or a positive development? v. 1
The definition of success in today's world is turning out to be a formidable concept. Children are expected to perform out of their capacity and prove themselves number one in every possible area. This essay will shed light on the various reasons behind building pressure on pupils by their own parents, followed by my personal opinion. In this competitive environment, where everyone seems to be in a race, children are given tremendous pressure to outshine their counterparts. Number of justifications are put forward in this regard, one being, the admission procedures have become gravely stricter. Even the admissions in kindergarten are a challenge for parents nowadays. Another factor for terrorizing a tender mind is increasing prices and declining jobs. Parents presents the only idea of "survival of the fittest" in front of their wards. Yet another reason to stress the young mind by parents is their own status in the society. Many adults boasts their kid's higher ranks, in order to be revered in society. In my opinion, every child possesses some or the other talent. Parents need to recognize it and help them to nurture their talent. Putting pressure on children adversely impact the brain development and hampers the holistic growth. Only in the free environment youngsters can perform out of the box. To sum up, parents are the ones who owns the entire responsibility to make or mar the child's future. With the right kind of knowledge and guidance, youngsters can be directed towards their goal in life. School teachers and governments should also participate in spreading the awareness among parents to provide a free and healthy atmosphere of learning to their children.
The definition of success in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world is turning out to be a formidable concept.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to perform out of their capacity and prove themselves number one in every possible area. This essay will shed light on the various reasons behind building pressure on pupils by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, followed by my personal opinion.

In this competitive environment, where everyone seems to be in a race,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
tremendous pressure to outshine their counterparts. Number of justifications
are put
forward in this regard, one being, the admission procedures have become
gravely
stricter. Even the admissions in kindergarten are a challenge for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
nowadays. Another factor for terrorizing a tender mind is increasing prices and declining jobs.
Possible agreement error. You should probably use: "Parent presents" or "Parents present".
Parents presents
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
survival of the fittest
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
in front of their wards.
Yet
another reason to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
the young mind by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
is their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
status in the society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
adults
You should probably use "boast".
boasts
their kid's higher ranks, in order to
be revered
in society.

In my opinion, every child possesses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
or the other talent.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
need to recognize it and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to nurture their talent. Putting pressure on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
adversely
impact the brain development and hampers the holistic growth.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
in the free environment youngsters can perform out of the box.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the ones who
Did you mean "own"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'ones' should be used.
owns
the entire responsibility to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
or mar the child's future. With the right kind of knowledge and guidance, youngsters can
be directed
towards their goal in life. School teachers and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should
also
participate in spreading the awareness among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to provide a free and healthy atmosphere of learning to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays parents too much pressure on their children to succeed. What is the reason for doing this? Is this negative or a positive development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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