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Nowadays parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed. What is the reason for doing this? Is this a negative or positive development? v.4

Nowadays parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed. What is the reason for doing this? Is this a negative or positive development? v. 4
These days, children are more and more facing lots of considerable pressures, which parents consider to lead their children to success. This has appeared among parents due to many reasons, and it can also bring negative results. On the one hand, a majority of parents put pressure on adolescents to be successful for various reasons. One of the main reasons is that parents are the only persons who want their youngsters to have a better future. Only when they see their children succeed, will they feel happy and content; therefore, they are responsible for their children and always want their children to learn what is relevant to their career. Another reason is that parents are under pressure from society to expect their children. Because parents fear children's failing or not overcoming fierce competition life as well as someone asks or compares them to siblings, neighbors, they often push their children to study hard to achieve more success. On the other hand, it can be seen that too much pressure would adversely affect a child’s mental health. When children are forced to engage in activities that go beyond their interests and abilities, it will not lead to good results because children may have a lot of stress. Focusing on learning without engaging in extra-curricular activities, children will feel bored, even depressed. As a result, symptoms such as insomnia, excessive anxiety, giving up personal preferences or alienating people around them significantly appear, and this actually causes bad influences on their study results. In conclusion, although parents put too much pressure on their children simply because they want their children to have a bright future as well as not inferior to anyone, I believe that it has more of a negative impact on a child’s psychological health.
These days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are more and more facing lots of considerable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressures
, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
The verb 'consider' is used with the gerund form: "consider leading".
consider to lead
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to success. This has appeared among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
, and it can
also
bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
results.

On the one hand, a majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
put
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
on adolescents to be successful for various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
. One of the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
persons who want their youngsters to have a better future.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
succeed, will they feel happy and content;
therefore
, they are responsible for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and always want their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to learn what is relevant to their career. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are under
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
from society to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
fear children's failing or not overcoming fierce competition life
as well
as someone asks or compares them to siblings, neighbors, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
push their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to achieve more success.

On the other hand
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
would
adversely
affect a child’s mental health. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are forced
to engage in activities that go beyond their interests and abilities, it will not lead to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
results
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. Focusing on learning without engaging in extra-curricular activities,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will feel bored, even depressed.
As a result
, symptoms such as insomnia, excessive anxiety, giving up personal preferences or alienating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around them
significantly
appear, and this actually causes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
influences on their study results.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
put too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
simply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they want their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to have a bright future
as well
as not inferior to anyone, I believe that it has more of a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on a child’s psychological health.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Nowadays parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed. What is the reason for doing this? Is this a negative or positive development? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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