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Some people think that money is the best gift for teenagers, others disagree. discuss both views and opinion. v.1

Some people think that money is the best gift for teenagers, others disagree. v. 1
In modern time, money is the most significant object in the society which could influence easily for everyone. Many people believe it is the best gift for teenagers while others claim that its importance and expensive aspects. There are some advantages and disadvantages of money as a gift mentioned at the bottom. Teenagers, who get money for their birthday from their parents instead of present want to use them to buy useful things which they need the most. Every person wants some Specialty on his/ her birthday, though they cannot tell about it to their parents. For instance, favourite book or several pictures of their picture collection, this list might be continued. As a result, it is a good opportunity to get money from their parents to enlarge their bookshelf with their favourite book, also children can fill their collection with an admirable picture as they wish. On the other side, parents should explain to their children that money which they give as a present only must be used for the necessity. It would be better to do control their son and daughter. For example, asking friends what thing they want to buy for this money. In contrast, teenagers may use the money for harmful things like horror computer games, to buy tobacco. To sum up, all children wish to get presents on their birthday. I absolutely believe to give any present by parents for their children is the best chance.
In modern time,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the most significant object in the society which could influence
easily
for everyone.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe it is the best gift for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
while others claim that its importance and expensive aspects. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages and disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as a gift mentioned at the bottom.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Teenagers
, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for their birthday from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
useful things which they need the most. Every person wants
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Specialty on his/ her birthday, though they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
about it to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
book or several pictures of their picture collection, this list might
be continued
.
As a result
, it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to enlarge their bookshelf with their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
book,
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can fill their collection with an admirable picture as they wish.

On the other side,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
which they give as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for the necessity. It would be better to do control their son and daughter.
For example
, asking friends what thing they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
In contrast
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for harmful things like horror computer games, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
tobacco.

To sum up, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
wish to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
presents
on their birthday. I
absolutely
believe to give any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is the best chance.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
To learn a language is to have one more window from which to look at the world.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Some people think that money is the best gift for teenagers, others disagree. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
241 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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