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In many countries, the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of crime? How can we deal with those causes? v.16

In many countries, the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of crime? How can we deal with those causes? v. 16
Nowadays there is a huge amount of offences which are happening all over the world, such as arsons, burglaries, frauds, vandalism, kidnapping and so on. In this essay, I am going to consider the reasons And how we can decide them to stop cruelty on our planet. First of all, I believe that committing crimes depends on the social situation in each country, their development and income of citizens. Namely because of not enough money person can go on different crimes just because he wants to exist, to eat. Furthermore, there are lots of white-collar crimes such as hacking and blackmailing due to big globalization in different companies, where everyone wants to get databases from each of them. So, for this reason, companies spend a big part of their income to prevent such situations and to save their business. In addition, there are lot's of kidnapping, such the problem grows up every day, there are many reasons why a person is ready to do it. In most cases, it can be met when people are divorced, so one parent wants to abducting the child from another parent. In those cases to prevent such situations, the decisions of these problems should be gone out from government restrictions and politics. Firstly, the government should control all spheres of people's lives. They need to pass different laws to stop doing such things and to increase imposing fines on the citizens, also even to increase imprisonment time. What is more, for some crimes may be returning to capital punishments. Secondly, there should be community services for some petty crimes too, such as traffic offences. In the result, after committing the crime person must fully understand his mistake and try not to repeat it. To my mind, if there were more punishments, people would think before doing something prohibited.
Nowadays there is a huge amount of
offences
which are happening all over the world, such as
arsons
, burglaries, frauds, vandalism, kidnapping and
so
on. In this essay, I am going to consider the
reasons


And how we can decide them to
stop
cruelty on our planet.
First of all
, I believe that committing
crimes
depends on the social situation in each country, their development and income of citizens.
Namely
because
of not
enough
money person can go on
different
crimes
just
because
he wants to exist, to eat.
Furthermore
, there are lots of white-collar
crimes
such as hacking and blackmailing due to
big
globalization in
different
companies
, where everyone wants to
get
databases from each of them.
So
,
for this reason
,
companies
spend a
big
part of their income to
prevent
such situations and to save their business.
In addition
, there are
lot's
of kidnapping, such the problem grows up every day, there are
many
reasons why a person is ready to do it.
In most cases
, it can
be met
when
people
are divorced
,
so
one parent wants to
abducting
the child from another parent.
In
those cases to
prevent
such situations, the decisions of these problems should
be gone
out from
government
restrictions and politics.
Firstly
, the
government
should control all spheres of
people
's
lives
. They need to pass
different
laws to
stop
doing such things and to increase imposing fines on the citizens,
also
even to increase imprisonment time.
What is more
, for
some
crimes
may be returning to capital punishments.
Secondly
, there should be community services for
some
petty
crimes
too, such as traffic
offences
. In the result, after committing the
crime
person
must
fully
understand his mistake and try not to repeat it. To my mind, if there were more punishments,
people
would
think
before
doing something prohibited.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of crime? How can we deal with those causes? v. 16

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
304 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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