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Nowadays parents are sending their children trips abroad for educational purposes. What are the advantages and disadvantages v.1

Nowadays parents are sending their children trips abroad for educational purposes. What are the advantages and disadvantages v. 1
In recent times children are being sent by their parents to a foreign country for educational pursuits, in order that they acquire good quality education. However, they can be distracted by electronic gadgets, which could derail them from focusing on their studies, if not properly directed. Children who are sent to a foreign land for studies have benefited immensely, one of which is that they get good quality education. Whilst studying abroad, children get better tutoring since the institutions has standardised teaching curriculum. These students are able to compete with their counterparts anywhere in the world and even in the labour market. A good example is my cousin who studied Petroleum Engineering in Canada. This has helped him in getting a multinational Job there and he is back in Nigeria as an expatriate. Schooling abroad can be beneficial to children in the long run because they obtain an excellent education and they are taught with standardised curriculum. However, children can be distracted if parental guidance is absent. Laptops, mobile phones and even social media could derail them from studying and focusing on their grades. My neighbour's son was not able to conclude his studies in the UK because he was carried away by these gadgets and he was sent back to Nigeria because his grades dwindled consistently. Therefore, distractions could affect children sent abroad if not properly guided. To conclude, Sending children to study abroad a has its upside, but being distracted is a major drawback that can hinder success if not properly handled.
In recent times
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
by their parents to a foreign country for educational pursuits, in order that they acquire
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
quality education.
However
, they can
be distracted
by electronic gadgets, which could derail them from focusing on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
, if not
properly
directed.

Children who are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to a foreign land for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
have benefited
immensely
, one of which is that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
quality education. Whilst studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better tutoring since the institutions has
Possible spelling mistake. 'standardised' is British English.
standardised
teaching curriculum. These students are able to compete with their counterparts anywhere in the world and even in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
market. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example is my cousin who studied Petroleum Engineering in Canada. This has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
him in getting a multinational Job
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
there and
he is back in Nigeria as an expatriate. Schooling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
can be beneficial to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the long run
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they obtain an excellent
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
education and
they
are taught
with
Possible spelling mistake. 'standardised' is British English.
standardised
curriculum.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
be distracted
if parental guidance is absent. Laptops, mobile phones and even social media could derail them from studying and focusing on their grades. My
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbour' is British English.
neighbour
's son was not able
to conclude
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
in the UK
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he
was carried
away by these
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
gadgets and
he was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
back to Nigeria
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
his grades dwindled
consistently
.
Therefore
, distractions could affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
if not
properly
guided.

To conclude
, Sending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
a has its upside,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
being distracted
is a major drawback that can hinder success if not
properly
handled.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay Nowadays parents are sending their children trips abroad for educational purposes. What are the advantages and disadvantages v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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