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Nowadays parents are sending their children on trips abroad for educational purposes. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this? v.1

Nowadays parents are sending their children on trips abroad for educational purposes. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this? v. 1
At present days, study in abroad has become a trend. Because, parents are highly encouraged to send their children to higher study to any reputed institute by which they gain international exposure and confidence. But the disadvantage of this fact is that such trips are very expensive and also can cause of a security threat. Going abroad for educational purpose has lots of advantages. By doing this the young generation can meet with new peoples and new cultures. They can learn to survive in such kind of difficult situation where things are not available now and then. It enhances their confidence. Meeting new people, they can get more friend and know new people as well as it grows their communication skills. When someone is about to fall in any danger or any critical situation they learn to handle this. This makes them to become an innovator. Also student who has a degree from any reputed international university can get a good job easily. That is the main reason that encourage students along with their parents to pursue higher study in foreign countries. On the other hand, study in abroad sometimes is very expensive to bear for any parents. Many parents forced to take a loan for going their children to any university in overseas. In other word, some student cannot handle the foreign issues. Sometimes an overseas school trip for children is often causing a security threat. The student often got engaged with the crime. The important thing is, many students are highly encouraged to stay over there forever and never come back to their homeland. For example, in Bangladesh, every year there are many university’s students who go to abroad for higher study and never come back. This is a global lose for any country. To conclude, I will say that there are lots of advantages to study abroad, but after completing study students should have to come back to their own country and apply all methodologies these they learnt from abroad to grow their own country’s status.
At present days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
has become a trend.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
highly
encouraged to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their children to higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
to any reputed institute by which they gain international exposure and confidence.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the disadvantage of this fact is that such trips are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
expensive and
also
can cause of a security threat.

Going
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
for educational purpose has lots of advantages. By doing this the young generation can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
peoples and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
cultures. They can learn to survive in such kind of difficult situation where things are not available
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
and then. It enhances their confidence. Meeting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more friend and know
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
as well
as it grows their communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. When someone is about to fall in any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
or any critical situation they learn to handle this. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them to become an innovator.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
who has a degree from any reputed international university can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job
easily
.
That is
the main reason that encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
along with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to pursue higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in foreign countries.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
The adverb 'sometimes' usually goes after the verb 'is'.
sometimes is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
expensive to bear for any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
forced to take a loan for going their children to any university in overseas. In other word,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
cannot handle the foreign issues.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
an overseas school trip for children is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
causing a security threat. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
engaged with the crime. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing is,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are
highly
encouraged to stay over there forever and never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back to their homeland.
For example
, in Bangladesh, every year there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
university’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
for higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
and never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back. This is a global lose for any country.

To conclude
, I will say that there are lots of advantages to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
after completing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
country and apply all methodologies these they
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
to grow their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
country’s status.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay Nowadays parents are sending their children on trips abroad for educational purposes. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
339 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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