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Nowadays, parents are sending their children on trips abroad for educational purposes. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this? v.2

Nowadays, parents are sending their children on trips abroad for educational purposes. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this? v. 2
Due to the availability of international educational tours, most schools provide this opportunity to children. There are advantages to educational tours held abroad, but there are also drawbacks. Admittedly, there are benefits to educational field trips done abroad. Foremost, these trips provide international exposures. Since tours are done in another country, children are able to be mindful of the existence of other races. For instance, they will be disclosed to foreign cultures as well as other languages, which will benefit them in the future. Moreover, children can develop independence and increase confidence. In order to be independent, they must learn to stand on their own and decide wisely for any situations that they may encounter along in their trips, which is possible when they join international trips. Hence, these trips are seen as advantageous. Nevertheless, despite the many benefits, there are also drawbacks to this. One problem is that most of these international trips are expensive. When there are trips like this at school, not all parents are not able to provide the expenses for the children. Fare tickets, foods, accommodations and transportations are examples of the list of expenditures that parents need to pay to the school. As a result, this can only give financial strain to the parents who can not afford to compensate. Another issue is that children may lack protection. While children are under the teachers care during the trips, this does not assure parents that their children is guaranteed safe all the time. Since teachers are few and students are in groups, the former might not be able to see all the children. Therefore, international trips can also be a dangerous. In conclusion, although there are benefits of exposure and learning in international trips, it can also bring problems such as financial and protection concerns.
Due to the availability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
educational tours, most schools provide this opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. There are advantages to educational tours held abroad,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
also
drawbacks.

Admittedly
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
to educational field
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trips
done abroad. Foremost, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trips
provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
exposures. Since tours
are done
in another country,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are able to be mindful of the existence of other races.
For instance
, they will
be disclosed
to foreign cultures
as well
as other languages, which will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefit
them in the future.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can develop independence and increase confidence. In order to be independent, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
learn to stand on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
and decide
wisely
for any situations that they may encounter along in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trips
, which is possible when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trips
.
Hence
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trips
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as advantageous.

Nevertheless
, despite the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
, there are
also
drawbacks to this. One problem is that most of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trips
are expensive. When there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trips
like this at school, not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are not able to provide the expenses for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Fare tickets, foods, accommodations and transportations are examples of the list of expenditures that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
need to pay to the school.
As a result
, this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
give financial strain to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who can not afford to compensate. Another issue is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may lack protection. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are under the teachers care during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trips
, this does not assure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is guaranteed
safe all the time. Since teachers are few and students are in groups, the former might not be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trips
can
also
be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
.

In conclusion
, although there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
of exposure and learning in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trips
, it can
also
bring problems such as financial and protection concerns.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Nowadays, parents are sending their children on trips abroad for educational purposes. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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