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Nowadays, not many students are choosing to study science subject in some countries. What are reasons for their choice? What will be effects on their society? v.1

Nowadays, not many students are choosing to study science subject in some countries. What are reasons for their choice? What will be effects on their society? v. 1
It has been argued by many that there is a rising trend among young individuals to enjoy more time with the friends instead of the family members. The main reason behind this behaviour is that the parents are so much busy in their routine that they don't spend time with their children. In my opinion, instead of forcing the youngsters to get involved in the home affairs, it's the duty of elders to spare time for their families and make friendly atmosphere in the home. On the one hand, the life has become so fast these days that the earning members are round the clock busy in their routine and this has created a gap between them and their young ones. Firstly, the elderly people get involved in the office affairs so much that they neglect their siblings. Secondly, the new generation builds new connections in the schools and playgrounds. Moreover, online video games and social media have also played a role in this by increasing the connectivity. For instance, a recent study of 2018 has revealed that about 76% of the kids have lost interest in the family affairs in the USA. On the other hand, an awareness campaign has to be launched to guide the guardians to enhance their interaction with the child. They have to be realised that the social well being of the family members is also their responsibility. Furthermore, by making close ties they can keep an eye on the activities of the kid. So, all this is possible only by more interaction and healthy environment, instead of being harsh with them. For example, the same concept has been taught these days in the educational institutes of the Finland. To conclude, I believe that if we want to make our next generation as effective members of the society, then we have to strengthen our bondages.
It has
been argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that there is a rising trend among young individuals to enjoy more time with the friends
instead
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
. The main reason behind this
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
is that the parents are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much busy in their routine that they don't spend time with their children. In my opinion,
instead
of forcing the youngsters to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in the home affairs, it's the duty of elders to spare time for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friendly atmosphere in the home.

On the one hand, the life has become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
these days that the earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
are round the clock busy in their routine and this has created a gap between them and their young ones.
Firstly
, the elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in the office affairs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much that they neglect their siblings.
Secondly
, the new generation builds new connections in the schools and playgrounds.
Moreover
, online video games and social media have
also
played a role in this by increasing the connectivity.
For instance
, a recent study of 2018 has revealed that about 76% of the kids have lost interest in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
affairs in the USA.

On the other hand
, an awareness campaign
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be launched
to guide the guardians to enhance their interaction with the child. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be
Possible spelling mistake. 'realised' is British English.
realised
that the social
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
is
also
their responsibility.
Furthermore
, by making close ties they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
an eye on the activities of the kid.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, all this is possible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by more interaction and healthy environment,
instead
of being harsh with them.
For example
, the same concept has
been taught
these days in the educational institutes of the Finland.

To conclude
, I believe that if we want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our
next
generation as effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
of the society, then we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
strengthen our
Possible spelling mistake found.
bondages
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays, not many students are choosing to study science subject in some countries. What are reasons for their choice? What will be effects on their society? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
7.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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