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A serious problem affecting countries across the globe is the lack of water for drinking, washing and other household uses. Why do many countries face water shortages, and what could be done to alleviate the problem? v.1

A serious problem affecting countries across the globe is the lack of water for drinking, washing and other household uses. Why do many countries face water shortages, and what could be done to alleviate the problem? v. 1
While some people believe that natural talent is the only way to have an established career in sports, others take the view that regular practice is more important. In my opinion, perseverance and practice is the key to success in anything in life. On one side, experienced coaches had the ability to sense natural talent and lean towards grooming them since young. It is generally easier to nourish them as they are still young and willing to learn heaps of new tricks up the coach’s sleeve to enhance their performance. As a result, born with the sport gene will definitely give them a head start in their carrier. Despite the above arguments, I hold the position that the dedication of the athlete to train every single day is more crucial in achieving the peak of their triumph. More often than not, most of the young athletes are being forced to focus more on their education track by the parents. It sounds like a bitter pill to swallow, however, this is the common reality. For this reason, they will not be able to compete with the athlete who train regularly. In conclusion, while both views are commonly held in the society, I believe that daily practice will increase their agility and proficiency. Given this situation, an athlete should not be discouraged if they failed earlier in their carrier. They should continue to be persistent and never give up trying until one day, they will be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that natural talent is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to have an established career in sports, others take the view that regular practice is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. In my opinion, perseverance and practice is the key to success in anything in life.

On one side, experienced coaches had the ability to sense natural talent and lean towards grooming them since young. It is
generally
easier to nourish them as they are
still
young and willing to learn heaps of new tricks up the coach’s sleeve to enhance their performance.
As a result
, born with the sport gene will definitely give them a head
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
in their carrier.

Despite the above arguments, I hold the position that the dedication of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athlete
to train every single day is more crucial in achieving the peak of their triumph. More
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
than not, most of the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
are
being forced
to focus more on their education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
by the parents. It sounds like a bitter pill to swallow,
however
, this is the common reality.
For this reason
, they will not be able to compete with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athlete
who train
regularly
.

In conclusion
, while both views are
commonly
held in the society, I believe that daily practice will increase their agility and proficiency.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
this situation, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athlete
should not
be discouraged
if they failed earlier in their carrier. They should continue to be persistent and never give up trying until one day, they will be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the light at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the tunnel.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay A serious problem affecting countries across the globe is the lack of water for drinking, washing and other household uses. Why do many countries face water shortages, and what could be done to alleviate the problem? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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