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It is observed that in many countries not enough students are choosing to study science subject. What are causes? And what will be effects on society? v.2

It is observed that in many countries not enough students are choosing to study science subject. What are causes? And what will be effects on society? v. 2
It is an evident phenomenon in many countries in the world that there is a shortage of students who choose to study science subjects as their major. There are some reasons to justify this trend and it also causes/ triggers adverse/unfavorable effects/impacts on the society. The first reason why fewer students choose science as their major is that science subjects namely Biological Technology or Computer Science, … are extremely demanding. Generally, a major in science consists of related subjects with a great amount of specialized knowledge and a number of experiments, which can be very tough. As a result/ Consequently, students are often put under pressure a lot of pressure in order to understand and handle the tasks well. Another justification is that graduates may take risks of unemployment as there are fewer job opportunities for graduates in science majors. Instead, students are likely to choose a major that is not so demanding but still makes it easier for them to find a job. The deficiency in students in science fields might trigger unfavorable effects to the society. The most clearly seen impact might be the imbalance between the number of students who study science and other majors. This may lead to the shortage of workers in scientific fields and also cause a lack/ insufficiency of technical breakthroughs and inventions. Additionally, there may be a crisis of employment due to the disparity in the number of graduates who choose other fields such as business, art or pedagogy and those who study science. More students majoring in science may be made redundant as there are less job opportunities in this area. As a result, this will increase the burden of unemployment on the society. To conclude, reasons that cause the lack of students choosing science as a major vary, and this issue may bring several negative impacts on the society.
It is an evident phenomenon in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries in the world that there is a shortage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
to study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
subjects as their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons to justify this trend and it
also
causes/ triggers adverse/unfavorable effects/impacts on the society.

The
first
reason why fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
as their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
subjects
namely
Biological Technology or Computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
, … are
extremely
demanding.
Generally
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
consists of related subjects with a great amount of specialized knowledge and a number of experiments, which can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
tough.
As a result
/
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
put under pressure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
pressure in order to understand and handle the tasks well. Another justification is that graduates may take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
of unemployment as there are fewer job opportunities for graduates in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
majors
.
Instead
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are likely to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
that is
not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
demanding
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it easier for them to find a job.

The deficiency in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
fields might trigger unfavorable effects to the society. The most
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
impact might be the imbalance between the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
majors
. This may lead to the shortage of workers in scientific fields and
also
cause a lack/ insufficiency of technical breakthroughs and inventions.
Additionally
, there may be a crisis of employment due to the disparity in the number of graduates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
other fields such as business, art or pedagogy and those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
. More
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
majoring in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
may
be made
redundant as there are less job opportunities in this area.
As a result
, this will increase the burden of unemployment on the society.

To conclude
, reasons that cause the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
choosing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
vary, and this issue may bring several
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on the society.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay It is observed that in many countries not enough students are choosing to study science subject. What are causes? And what will be effects on society? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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