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nowadays newspaper publish information about private lives of individuals. Some people think the government should maintain control over the information that gets published, while other disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

nowadays newspaper publish information about private lives of individuals. Some people think the government should maintain control over the information that gets published, while other disagree. v. 2
Presently, private affairs of public figures are often published by media house and protecting personal lives from such publication is a heated topic. Therefore, some people believe that the authority should provide certain policies to control this phenomenon, however, others have conflicting views. In my view point, governments being a controlling body should guarantee fundamental right of privacy to every citizen regardless of their status in society. Oh the one hand, there are some people who think that press has no right to encroach the private space of people even if they are celebrities and public figures. Paparazzi has been a cause of distress and extreme consequences in certain cases. Their hot pursuit of people, in order to extract details about their private information has ruined many lives. As a result, people attribute towards family disputes and legal separation and even bereavement by these investigative journalists. This can be illustrated by the death of princess Diana in a car mishap that was outcome of a press photographer chasing her and her friend. On the other hand, some people defend the right of reports and citizens to know, and private lives of individual specially celebrated personalities and politicians. These key figures through their actions, influence their followers, critics other common people profoundly, positively or negatively. Hence, the efforts to bring out information about how noted famous celebrity behave and deal with situation publicly and privately can inspire or caution general public. For instance, a release of vital information of convict on the run can help the police to catch them. To conclude, I personally feel that despite the fact that freedom should be rendered to press to peek into private lives, certain limit should be defined and caution must exercised on what can be brought forth.
Presently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
affairs of public figures are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
published by media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and protecting personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
from such publication is a heated topic.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the authority should provide certain policies to control this phenomenon,
however
, others have conflicting views. In my view point,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
being a controlling body should guarantee fundamental right of privacy to every citizen regardless of their status in society.

Interjections are usually punctuated.
Oh
the one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that press has no right to encroach the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
space of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
even if they are celebrities and public figures.
Possible agreement error. You should probably use: "paparazzo has".
Paparazzi has
been a cause of distress and extreme consequences in certain cases. Their hot pursuit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, in order to extract
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
information has ruined
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
attribute towards family disputes and legal separation and even bereavement by these investigative journalists. This can
be illustrated
by the death of princess Diana in a car mishap that was outcome of a press photographer chasing her and her friend.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
defend the right of reports and citizens to know, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
of individual
specially
celebrated personalities and politicians. These key figures through their actions, influence their followers, critics other common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
profoundly
,
positively
or
negatively
.
Hence
, the efforts to bring out information about how noted
Consider using "celebrity".
famous celebrity
behave and deal with situation
publicly
and
privately
can inspire or caution
Consider using "public".
general public
.
For instance
, a release of vital information of convict on the run can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the police to catch them.

To conclude
, I
personally
feel that despite the fact that freedom should
be rendered
to press to peek into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
, certain limit should
be defined
and caution
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
exercised on what can
be brought
forth.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay nowadays newspaper publish information about private lives of individuals. Some people think the government should maintain control over the information that gets published, while other disagree. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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