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some people think that giving money to teenagers is good while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

some people think that giving money to teenagers is good while others disagree. v. 2
It is commonly believed that gifting money to adolescents is the best possible way while others have contradictory opinion on presenting hard cash to youth and thinks that they should be provided with gifts other than money. In my opinion, I completely disagreed with the statement that gifting money to teenagers is the most effective way to present them. One the one side, one of the benefits of gifting money to teenagers is that they will have the capability to standing up on their own and having money in hand will be handy and it will become a support to lay a strong foundation of what they desire to achieve in their lives. They can mold their futures with this extra cash. For instance, gifting money to juniors as a present is still considered best in India as this money could be utilized for their higher education. On the other side, some section of society advocate that banknotes should not be the most suitable gift to young-ones as they are prone to dangerous activities and it can become a way of spoiling them. Put simply, teenagers when they possess the money which is given free of charge will be attracted to disgraceful activities likes consumption of alcohol, drugs to name a few. Consequently, they should be given items such as books and tablets which will encourage them for a better future. To conclude, it is considered by many that paper note is the best present for stripling while there are many people, like me, agree that there are various ways to give gift to teenagers rather than presenting them with hard cash. They should receive items other than money which helps them to build a better future and make them understand the importance of hard-earn money.
It is
commonly
believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to adolescents is the best possible way while others have contradictory opinion on presenting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
cash to youth and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that they should
be provided
with gifts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. In my opinion, I completely disagreed with the statement that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
is the most effective way to present them.

One the one side, one of the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
is that they will have the capability to standing up on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
and having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in hand will be handy and it will become a support to lay a strong foundation of what they desire to achieve in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. They can mold their futures with this extra cash.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to juniors as a present is
still
considered best in India as this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
could
be utilized
for their higher education.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
side,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
section of society advocate that banknotes should not be the most suitable gift to young-ones as they are prone to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
activities and it can become a way of spoiling them. Put
simply
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
when they possess the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
free of charge will
be attracted
to disgraceful activities likes consumption of alcohol, drugs to name a few.
Consequently
, they should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
items such as books and tablets which will encourage them for a better future.

To conclude
, it
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that paper note is the best present for stripling while there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, like me,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that there are various ways to give gift to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
rather
than presenting them with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
cash. They should receive items
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to build a better future and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them understand the importance of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay some people think that giving money to teenagers is good while others disagree. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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