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Nowadays more people choose to move out from the area where they grew up in a search for a better job Do you think there are more advantages than disadvantages to this development Why v.1

Nowadays more people choose to move out from the area where they grew up in a search for a better job Do you think there are more advantages than disadvantages to this development Why v. 1
Educational curriculum planning is inevitably a difficult task. Some people opine that education at all levels is based on factual learning, whereas practical learning is not encouraged enough. I agree with this notion and I believe there are a plethora of reasons for it. This essay will enumerate how and why too much time is spent on learning the facts. Practical skills, play a vital role in the career growth of an individual. It is irrefutable that practical skills are not encouraged in our country. However, it has been observed that the school and universities, be it primary level of education or higher level, who adopt the practical learning approach for their students, always produce students having better concepts and knowledge of their field of education. Factual learning is instilled in student from early childhood. The major reason is that schools and universities have set a criteria for admission of students. Thus, the students are burdened since childhood to compete, learn and memorize the facts rather than focusing on learning the practical skills, in order to secure admission in these desirable top-notch schools or universities. Secondly, the companies are also responsible to promote this mindset. For example, many renowned companies hire employees that have studied from top universities and have excelled in their academic life. This pressurizes candidates to secure good grades in their universities, only to secure a job in a good company. In conclusion, I believe that the academic institutes and companies both are responsible for the promotion of factual learning rather than practical learning. In my opinion, practical skills are entirely necessary for cognitive skills and intellectual development of students and must be emphasized.
Educational curriculum planning is
inevitably
a difficult task.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opine that education at all levels
is based
on factual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
, whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
is not encouraged
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this notion and I believe there are a plethora of reasons for it. This essay will enumerate how and why too much time
is spent
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
the facts.

Practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, play a vital role in the career growth of an individual. It is irrefutable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are not encouraged in our country.
However
, it has
been observed
that the school and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
, be it primary level of education or higher level, who adopt the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
approach for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, always produce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
having better concepts and knowledge of their field of education.

Factual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
is instilled
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
from early childhood. The major reason is that schools and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
have set
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a criterion" or simply "criteria"?
a criteria
for admission of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Thus
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are burdened
since childhood to compete, learn and memorize the facts
rather
than focusing on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, in order to secure admission in these desirable top-notch schools or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
.
Secondly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are
also
responsible to promote this mindset.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
renowned
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
hire employees that have studied from top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
and have excelled in their academic life. This pressurizes candidates to secure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
grades in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to secure a job in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

In conclusion
, I believe that the academic institutes and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
both are responsible for the promotion of factual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are
entirely
necessary for cognitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and intellectual development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be emphasized
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays more people choose to move out from the area where they grew up in a search for a better job Do you think there are more advantages than disadvantages to this development Why v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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