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Nowadays more people choose to move out from the area where they grew up in a search for a better job Do you think there are more advantages than disadvantages to this development Why v.2

Nowadays more people choose to move out from the area where they grew up in a search for a better job Do you think there are more advantages than disadvantages to this development Why v. 2
Locating to another place for employment is unavoidable in this hi-tech world. There are some advantages and disadvantages of relocating for better job. In this essay, I will analyze in detail about pros than cons of moving to another location in detail. To begin with people are moving to another place for more income and better opportunity because in their place there is no development in either industrially or technologically. There is excellent facility available in new place than in their hometown. The better facilities like hospital, fitness center, better transport, education institution, entertainment places like theatres, theme parks are help to stay fit and relax. They manage finance their own bills and learn to create monthly budget. They learn better management of household chores. Making new friends guide to be resilience to avoid common maladies like stress, anxiety and depression. On the other hand, there are disadvantages moving to another place for employment. Most importantly, people would face home-sickness as they are far away from their native place and friends result in solitary and there is no one to share their daily tribulations. They will face challenge of accommodation and travelling to their job. As finding an accommodation is not easy mostly the bachelors would not get rented house easily and if they get accommodation far away from their office will result in more commute time. It would be difficult to find new friend if the culture is different or language different from their place. To conclude, people relocating to new place for work would improve their personality and able to face challenges in their future life. Though, initially they face hardships for being alone but that will shape them to be independent, responsible individual in the society.
Locating to another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
for employment is unavoidable in this hi-tech world. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages and disadvantages of relocating for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
job. In this essay, I will analyze in detail about pros than cons of moving to another location in detail.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are moving to another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
for more income and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
opportunity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
there is no development in either
industrially
or
technologically
. There is excellent facility available in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
than in their hometown. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
facilities like hospital, fitness center,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
transport, education institution, entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
like
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
, theme parks are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to stay fit and relax. They manage finance their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
bills and learn to create monthly budget. They learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
management of household chores. Making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
friends guide to be resilience to avoid common maladies like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, anxiety and depression.

On the other hand
, there are disadvantages moving to another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
for employment. Most
importantly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
face
home-sickness as they are far away from their native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
and friends result in solitary and there is no one to share their daily tribulations. They will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
face
challenge of accommodation and travelling to their job. As finding
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "accommodation".
an accommodation
is not easy
mostly
the bachelors would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rented
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
easily
and if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
accommodation far away from their office will result in more commute time. It would be difficult to find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
friend if the culture is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
or language
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from their place.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
relocating to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
for work would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their personality and able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
face
challenges in their future life. Though,
initially
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
face
hardships for being alone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
that will shape them to be independent, responsible individual in the society.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays more people choose to move out from the area where they grew up in a search for a better job Do you think there are more advantages than disadvantages to this development Why v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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