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Describe a sports event that you saw on TV or live. Please say- When and where did you see it? - What was the event? - Why did you like watching the event? v.1

Describe a sports event that you saw on TV or live. Please say- When and where did you see it? - What was the event? - Why did you like watching the event? v. 1
Nowadays, many young people are leaving their homes for better education and work. In India, the villages are not much developed as compared to the cities, life in the villages is slow. As a result of which, people are not able to receive benefits of new technology and improve their lifestyle. This essay will discuss the main reasons of migration of the young people from rural areas to the urban areas. Education plays an important role in this, even though there are many government schools available in the villages, the students are not able to receive good education. Most of the teachers are not qualified to teach the students, they were appointed as an outcome of corruption. The education system is affected when politicians start to interfere with it. For instance, in a recent survey conducted by a private organization, only 18% of the teachers are well qualified to teach. Employment is the other reason of migration of young people. In the modern world, money plays a vital role in the survival and we need it for almost everything. There are not many resources in the villages and the educated members forced to migrate to the cities for a better life. In the urban areas, they are able to live a better life, but they are living away from their family and friends. To sum up, according to me it is necessary for the youngsters to migrate to urban areas, as the government is not able to improve the conditions in the villages. The only disadvantage is that they are forced to live away from their near and dear ones, but they are able to help them financially and improve their lifestyle.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are leaving their homes for better education and work. In India, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
villages
are not much developed as compared to the cities, life in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
villages
is slow.
As a result
of which,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to receive benefits of new technology and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their lifestyle. This essay will discuss the main reasons of migration of the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from rural areas to the urban areas.

Education plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in this,
even though
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
schools available in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
villages
, the students are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to receive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
education. Most of the teachers are not qualified to teach the students, they
were appointed
as an outcome of corruption. The education system is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
when politicians
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to interfere with it.
For instance
, in a recent survey conducted by a private organization,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
18% of the teachers are well qualified to teach.

Employment is the other reason of migration of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In the modern world, money plays a vital role in the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
survival and
we need it for almost everything. There are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
resources in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
villages
and the educated members forced to migrate to the cities for a better life. In the urban areas, they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a better life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are living away from their family and friends.

To sum up, according to me it is necessary for the youngsters to migrate to urban areas, as the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the conditions in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
villages
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
disadvantage is that they
are forced
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
away from their near and dear ones,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
financially
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their lifestyle.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Describe a sports event that you saw on TV or live. Please say- When and where did you see it? - What was the event? - Why did you like watching the event? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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