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Describe an artist or entertainer you admire. You should say: Who they are and what they do How they became successful How you found out about them And explain why you admire them v.1

Describe an artist or entertainer you admire. You should say: Who they are and what they do How they became successful How you found out about them And explain why you admire them v. 1
These days a large number of couples decide to have children after spending at least a few years since their marriage. According to some experts, there are various reasons which urge parents to have children later in their life. Career, changes in social belief, women empowerment, escalating living expenses, increased life expectancy are some of the major causes of this trend. In my belief advantages of having children later in life outweigh its demerits. To begin with, people favouring this trend have the opinion that there are many positive sides if human beings are tying the knot at an older age. Firstly, no doubt people will have sufficient time to settle into their careers. A growing number of parents are very passionate and enthusiastic in terms of career development and their profession. This holds out to be the primary reason they do not expect to have children in the early stage of their marriage. It is intuitively obvious that in this age of huge competition, unemployment and economic crisis, people around the world are constantly worried about their career and job promotions. As a result, parents decide and determine to postpone their first childbirth. Second, women empowerment has changed the old way of life where a woman’s sole responsibility was to look after the children. Since many wives are working these days, they decide to take babies after they reach a stable job position. Furthermore, social belief regarding giving birth to children has changed dramatically and people are more concerned about the living expenses than the number of babies they have, unlike the older generation. Undeniably, people who either work or run a business can reach a stable position before becoming parents. Thus they can take better care of their children, which, would have been difficult if they were born earlier. Young parents often lack the knowledge and the time they need to properly take care of their children. In conclusion, despite the pleasure of having a new baby in the early years of marriage, parents who decide to have babies later can primarily, readily and precisely focus on their career, can easily fulfil financial requirements and have sufficient time to persist, strive and struggle to have a stunning, and illuminated future in life.
These days
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
couples
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decide
to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
after spending at least a few years since their marriage. According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
experts, there are various reasons which urge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
later in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Career
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in social belief, women empowerment, escalating living expenses, increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy are
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
major causes of this trend. In my belief advantages of having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
later in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
outweigh its demerits.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Possible spelling mistake. 'favouring' is British English.
favouring
this trend have the opinion that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
sides if human beings are tying the knot at an older age.
Firstly
, no doubt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will have sufficient time to settle into their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
. A growing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
passionate and enthusiastic in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
development and their profession. This holds out to be the primary reason they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the early stage of their marriage. It is
intuitively
obvious that in this age of huge competition, unemployment and economic crisis,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world are
constantly
worried about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
and job promotions.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decide
and determine to postpone their
first
childbirth. Second, women empowerment has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
where a woman’s sole responsibility was to look after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
wives are working these days, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decide
to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
babies
after they reach a stable job position.

Furthermore
, social belief regarding giving birth to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
dramatically
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more concerned about the living expenses than the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
babies
they have, unlike the older generation.
Undeniably
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who either work or run a business can reach a stable position
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
becoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
they can take better care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, which, would have been difficult if they
were born
earlier. Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
lack the knowledge and the time they need to
properly
take care of their children.

In conclusion
, despite the pleasure of having a new baby in the early years of marriage,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decide
to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
babies
later can
primarily
,
readily
and
precisely
focus on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
, can
easily
fulfil financial requirements and have sufficient time to persist, strive and struggle to have a stunning, and illuminated future in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Describe an artist or entertainer you admire. You should say: Who they are and what they do How they became successful How you found out about them And explain why you admire them v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
374 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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