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Studying online is far more effective than studying on campus. To what extent do you agree? v.1

Studying online is far more effective than studying on campus. v. 1
Nowadays, technology is becoming the most practical ways to do many things. People can use the internet through this development. This improvement is also affecting the study in many countries, especially in the university life. So, through this essay, I agree that online learning is more efficient than in school. To begin with, university activity is one of the most crucial things in our life, because it is the last degree that people needs to achieve before they finish their study. However, learning on campus is not as convenient as in the senior or even junior high school, because it is more crowded and also most of the campuses are having their subject in a lecture class, which is contains a lot of persons in one place. This kind of learning sessions gives a bad effect to their study, so when they are using their internet to learn more about their majority and sometimes they will get more knowledge through this. Moreover, online studying can help pupils become more focused, because they usually learn in a quiet and private place, so they can learn their majority intensively. For instance, the fashion academy student can open their YouTube website or other website that contains the subject that they are looking for, and they will go to their own room, or sometimes library, and they can use their headset, so they will feel more focus and more understand with what the online tutors are explaining. All in all, using the newest technology enhancement can give a lot of benefit to the student, especially in their campus life, because it will help them a lot through the online session that are given by professional tutors through some websites
Nowadays, technology is becoming the most practical ways to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
this development. This improvement is
also
affecting the study in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries,
especially
in the university life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
this essay, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
learning is more efficient than in school.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, university activity is one of the most crucial things in our life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is the last degree that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
needs
to achieve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they finish their study.
However
, learning on campus is not as convenient as in the senior or even junior high school,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is more crowded and
also
most of the campuses are having their subject in a lecture
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, which is contains
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
persons in one place. This kind of learning sessions gives a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effect to their study,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
when they are using their internet to learn more about their majority and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more knowledge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
this.

Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
studying can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
pupils become more focused,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
usually
learn in a quiet and private place,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can learn their majority
intensively
.
For instance
, the fashion academy student can open their YouTube website or other website that contains the subject that they are looking for, and they will go to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
room, or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
library, and they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their headset,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they will feel more focus and more understand with what the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
tutors are explaining.

All in all, using the newest technology enhancement can give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefit to the student,
especially
in their campus life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them a lot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
session that are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by professional tutors
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
websites
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Studying online is far more effective than studying on campus. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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