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Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children. To what extent do you agree? v.3

Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children. v. 3
The media promotes celebrities in order, to be famous and to be benefited, by increasing the number of viewers. A celebrity can be a singer, a dancer or an actor. Local celebrities are different compared to international celebrities. Celebrity in an Asian country blends the culture with their role act, which is not an adverse for the society. In Contrast, European celebrities pose with fashion and lifestyle, which don’t suit Asian countries. Children are in a stage of creativity and move towards adventures, with an interest to grasp something new always. Most frequently, children imitate their parents or a saint if they are catholic. As children have a role model likewise, they are on an accurate path and will admit good behaviour. Nowadays children don’t interact with their parents or neither pay attention on religious activities. Children are more often engaged with mobile phones or electronic devices or if devices are prohibited, they will be attracted to television. Therefore, followed by the influence in these devices, they are attracted to people they encounter on such devices. As children are in search of something new, they start imitating the celebrities. They enter a new dimension, where they would not obey their parents and do nasty things which is not accepted by the society. It is obvious that, media promoting celebrities give a bad impact for children. Children should be kept away from media and electronic devices, until the children are grown up and in a state, with awareness of ethical standards.
The media promotes
celebrities
in order, to be
famous
and to
be benefited
, by increasing the number of viewers. A
celebrity
can be a singer, a dancer or an actor. Local
celebrities
are
different
compared to international
celebrities
.
Celebrity
in an Asian country blends the culture with their role act, which is not an adverse for the society.
In Contrast
, European
celebrities
pose with fashion and lifestyle, which don’t suit Asian countries.

Children are in a stage of creativity and
move
towards adventures, with an interest to grasp something new
always
. Most
frequently
,
children
imitate their parents or a saint if they are catholic. As
children
have a role model
likewise
, they are on an accurate path and will admit
good
behaviour
. Nowadays
children
don’t interact with their parents or neither pay attention on religious activities.
Children
are more
often
engaged with mobile phones or electronic
devices
or if
devices
are prohibited
, they will
be attracted
to television.
Therefore
, followed by the influence in these
devices
, they
are attracted
to
people
they encounter on such
devices
. As
children
are in search of something new, they
start
imitating the
celebrities
. They enter a new dimension, where they would not obey their parents and do nasty things which is not
accepted
by the society.

It is obvious that, media promoting
celebrities
give a
bad
impact for
children
.
Children
should be
kept
away from media and electronic
devices
, until the
children
are grown
up and in a state, with awareness of ethical standards.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children. v. 3

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
250 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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